17th September 2010

Hey guys,

Hope you’re all well.

It’s been a tough week. A lot of things have been happening at once, at work and home. I thought I was dealing with things okay, but last Friday night, I read the news that one of my music hero’s from my teen years had died at 36 following a stroke. That news was enough to make my eyes water, and before I knew it, with everything culminating together, I was sobbing like a baby and didn’t really stop until Monday. I was just such a mess!

I’m not gonna go into detail about everything, but lately, I just feel so trapped. I’ve even started looking back on my younger days as if I’ve already had my best days, and I’m only 26!! I know, I’m being stupid. I’ve never really admitted it before but I think I’m battling with some form of depression. I’ve been down in the dumps before, who hasn’t, but this feels different. It’s like I’m losing hope.
I keep telling myself that I’m being silly, I’m still young and have got so much ahead of me, but the feeling I get from those words is so temporary. Before I know it, I’m back at square one. Physically, I’m constantly tired. My eyes always feel heavy, no matter how much I sleep. I can’t seem to get far enough away from my family lately either, and when I meet with friends, I’m lost for words and not really listening to them, so I just ramble about random stuff, whilst I’m constantly thinking of other things.
I dunno if I’m making sense here, but this whole thing has opened my eyes to depression and just how awful it is. My heart goes out to all those who suffer with it. I didn’t realise how intense it can be.

I’ve arranged some counselling through work which will start next week. I’m eagerly waiting for it.

On a brighter note, I have a trip to the east coast approaching for my birthday so I’m really looking forward to that, and then Christmas is coming. I ADORE Christmas!! Can’t wait.

Also, bizarrely enough, the last 3 weeks have been filled with people from the past popping up out of the blue again!! Honestly, it’s been like a ‘This Is Your Life’ episode for me..lol!

Hope you’re all okay! Take care. xxxxx

R.I.P Rich Cronin. xxxxxx