~Stevie's Diner~

I'm back!!!

2011-01-13T00:56:00.003Z

It's been so long since I last posted, and so far and few between over the last couple of years, I think I've forgotten how to do it, but here I am, blogging again!

My kitten's layed in front of my keyboard, clawing at my every finger move. I'd love to be angry with her but she's so cute, I just can't do anything but laugh!

Wow, this entry sucks...................

BOOBS!!!!!!!!

PENIS!!!!!!!!

There........did that peak your interest?!

Oh man, now where to go......hmmmmmm

Anthony's behind me playing the playstation 3. I keep getting the odd reminder when I hear him scream 'WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING?!' at the T.V....lol!

Nothing much to say at the moment, but I think I'm going to be starting a new journal on here soon, kinda like a fresh start. Does anyone even still read me!?

Hope you're all well my blogger companions. Take care! xxx

17th September 2010

2010-09-17T14:12:00.001+01:00

Hey guys,

Hope you’re all well.

It’s been a tough week. A lot of things have been happening at once, at work and home. I thought I was dealing with things okay, but last Friday night, I read the news that one of my music hero’s from my teen years had died at 36 following a stroke. That news was enough to make my eyes water, and before I knew it, with everything culminating together, I was sobbing like a baby and didn’t really stop until Monday. I was just such a mess!

I’m not gonna go into detail about everything, but lately, I just feel so trapped. I’ve even started looking back on my younger days as if I’ve already had my best days, and I’m only 26!! I know, I’m being stupid. I’ve never really admitted it before but I think I’m battling with some form of depression. I’ve been down in the dumps before, who hasn’t, but this feels different. It’s like I’m losing hope.
I keep telling myself that I’m being silly, I’m still young and have got so much ahead of me, but the feeling I get from those words is so temporary. Before I know it, I’m back at square one. Physically, I’m constantly tired. My eyes always feel heavy, no matter how much I sleep. I can’t seem to get far enough away from my family lately either, and when I meet with friends, I’m lost for words and not really listening to them, so I just ramble about random stuff, whilst I’m constantly thinking of other things.
I dunno if I’m making sense here, but this whole thing has opened my eyes to depression and just how awful it is. My heart goes out to all those who suffer with it. I didn’t realise how intense it can be.

I’ve arranged some counselling through work which will start next week. I’m eagerly waiting for it.

On a brighter note, I have a trip to the east coast approaching for my birthday so I’m really looking forward to that, and then Christmas is coming. I ADORE Christmas!! Can’t wait.

Also, bizarrely enough, the last 3 weeks have been filled with people from the past popping up out of the blue again!! Honestly, it’s been like a ‘This Is Your Life’ episode for me..lol!

Hope you’re all okay! Take care. xxxxx

R.I.P Rich Cronin. xxxxxx

Happy B-day J~land!!

2010-08-20T04:04:00.002+01:00

Hey guys. Just a quickie to wish all from J~land a very happy birthday!!!

J~land kinda started the whole internet thing for me. It's where I learned how this whole thing works and it remains very special to me.

I've made friends for life from that place. I remember the good times (The Cheers style Birthday Video) and the bad times (The vivi awards dramas) or whatever they were called, but throughout all of it, I met some amazing people, most of whom I'm still in touch with and consider them to be part of my family.

One memory inparticular that stands out for me:

One day, I added a video of me singing a cover version of 'What hurts the most' by Rascall Flats, just for the hell of it. The response I got blew my mind and I'll never forget it. It meant so much to me. People advertised my songs on other blogs, people asked permission to use them on their blogs, and one guy in the USA even wanted to arrange for me to go over and sing the 'Star Spangled Banner' at a sports event. HOW AMAZING!!
I've never stopped singing since, and it even got me into a boyband a few years back. I stopped for a while but recently started again and I'm making plans again.
Thank you to ALL OF YOU for giving me the incentive to do this. You really REALLY changed my life. Thank you!!

I miss blogging, but it just never felt the same for me since J~land closed it's doors..:-(

Love ya all so much, and miss you!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY J~LAND!!!! xxxxxxxx

Right on....

2010-02-05T15:35:00.001Z

Following last nights out burst, I have just got out of bed. It's 3:35pm!

Just read my star sign, which gets emailed to me everyday. It kinda fits with what I was saying.

Friday, Feb 5th, 2010 -- You might imagine a better way to do your job now, but when you try to put an idea into action, the logistics suddenly grow overly complex. You are driven to do the right thing, but are also motivated to be creative as you pursue your ambitions. Don't be fooled by your own enthusiasm; it's better to take on less and reach your goal than to inflate your expectations, only to be disappointed.

Sounds right, doesn't it? lol!
xx

Getting back in the saddle.....

2010-02-05T02:13:00.011Z

I find it interesting that I only ever seem to write here when things aren't going so great. I mean, good things happen to me too, yet I never feel the need to write about them. I don't have many readers anymore, so maybe it's actually good for me to just write things down and reflect on them.

I'm gonna be brutally honest with myself in this entry, because I have to be.

Right now, I'm a mess. When I first started blogging years ago, I was a mess. Things got better when I won the part in that old boyband, and from there I got a job in a supermarket, to a job as a youth worker. Things were going great for a while!

Now I look at myself and wonder, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! I'm 26 years old, still living at home with my FANTASTIC Mother and her awkward husband. I have a gorgeous fiance that works his damn ass off while I do NOTHING day in, day out. I just don't know where it went wrong.

I should have my own place now, with Anthony. I should know how to drive and OWN a car. Not a fancy big thing, but ANY car. I should be getting IN that car every morning to drive to work, and then to come back home in the evening to spend the night with my Fiance in our OWN home, with our own dishes to wash, our own messes to clean up, our own animals to feed and walk, and paying our own damn bills.

Story is, last year, stuff happened and I just couldn't get a grip. My job suffered, my friendships suffered......everything in my life went to hell, and I let it! My panic attacks came back, I lost my confidence, stopped going out and I didn't even wanna answer the phone. The doctor's signed me off of work, and it's been that way for almost 6 months now.

I'm doing MUCH better in myself now and FINALLY have some new goals, but they're so far off, they might as well be on the Moon. Worst part of this revelation is, it involves quitting the job I'm in now. Truth be told, I HATE my job as a youth worker. It's not what I signed up for at all. The company I work for see all of the young people we work with as numbers. We have targets to achieve with dead lines. We have to report that we've been out and seen a certain number of 'N.e.e.t's (which stands for 'Not in Education, Employment or Training'). If we don't meet the quota, then we're not up to scratch. Don't get me wrong, I understand targets and deadlines, but when it involves the welfare and best interests of young people's lives, I think we need to look at the bigger picture and not just regard teenagers as a number.
I DID enjoy the job until I was treat like crap! After a year, I saw an advertisement for another job in youth work, in a different place, for a different company. It was more pay too, so after talking with the other staff and my boss, I decided to apply. After the interview process, I had to give a presentation on my knowledge of youth work, from sexual health to disabilities, to equal rights. I focused on the fact that equal rights doesn't always apply because we're not all the same. After what seemed like a disaster of a presentation, I got a callsaying that I'd got the job! I was over the moon. My self confidence shot up! During the wait to start my new job, my current manager basically promised me more hours, which meant more pay AND she offered to train me up properly. This left me in a very awkward situation, but in the end, I decided to decline my new job offer and stick with the same company. 7 months later, I was STILL waiting for these changes and it wasn't much longer before I realisedthat they weren't coming. When they finally did, it was too late. I felt like a puppet and a shmuck!

The tip of the iceberg was a situation last year where a new young person joined the Wednesday night youth club. He seemed a good kid, but obviously low confidence and I could tell he'd been bullied. It wasn't long until the other young people told us that this particular young lad had been expelled from school following accusations that he'd sexually abused a younger male.
It left us with a very awkward situation.
Do we ban him from the club to protect him with all the threats of violence he was getting?
Do we ban him to protect others of possible abuse?

Finally, it was decided that, for now, he'd be monitored at all times whilst in the building. He seemed to get attached to me (I've since found out that he considers himself to be gay). Everywhere I went, he'd follow me. If I had to yell at misbehaving teens, he'd copy me and yell at them himself, which I warned him about constantly! He began to take on the imaginary role of a youth worker, which did nothing but anger the other young people even more than they already were!

Anyways, to cut a longer story short, he asked to talk to me and finally admitted that he had been expelled from school following allegations of sexual abuse. He also denied those claims!
I was the only one that he'd talk to about the exact thing we needed to know about, but they suddenly stopped me in my tracks and said that I couldn't be the one he spoke to for my 'own protection'. Don't get me wrong, I DO understand there points, but I thought the welfare of the whole youth club should be priority! If he'd confess what he'd done to me, then we had grounds to suspend him until the matter had been through the courts, for the protection of all the other young people. But right then and there, right when my hard work had paid off, they snapped me back hard and I was told to back off. It left me feeling frustrated, useless and basically like I wasn't trusted.

It was shortly after this that things just turned to crap and the panic attacks started again. To make things worse, me and Anthony were seperated and I didn't handle that well at all. I was a wreck. I even went to church, sat down and sobbed. There was nobody else there. I just felt desperate and I've never done that before.

But now, me and Anthony are getting engaged within the next couple of months and we're throwing a huge party to celebrate. All in all, we've been together for 8 years now! It just feels right. I just wish that right now, I had more to offer him.

In gay relationships, the first thing that people wonder is usually 'who's the guy and who's the girl?'. Truth is, we don't work like that. We each make up for something that the other lacks. I can be more emotional and romantic than Anthony, but yet he enjoys cooking and cleaning more than I do. We're a good team, but secretly I see him as the 'girl'. In a fight, I'd be the one that pushes him outta the way to protect him. I'm so protetive, maybe too much at times. But looking at it from this perspective, it frustrates me so much that I'm not the provider in this relationship. After 8 years, we should be able to afford to rent a place. We should be able to afford for me to come home and surprise him by taking him out. I should be able to afford to send him flowers every now and then. All these things I wanna do, but he just doesn't know it! I just feel like an absolute failure to him and my family.

My sick pay has now been cut down to half (I'm just grateful that they've been paying me for all these months) and I'm still under the doctors. But the counsellor has dropped me because I forgot our last appointment and truth is, it wasn't for the first time. She cancelled one appointment herself, but I forgot one of them, and the following one I had to cancel 'cos Mum slipped in the snow and landed on her head. There was no WAY I was gonna leave her that day. I figured I'd be in hospital with her all day. As it turns out, the paramedics said she was fine and she didn't need hospital, but I still wasn't gonna leave her that day. The counsellor didn't believe me, so she dropped me. She said I'd missed three appointments'. I argued the case that I'd only missed two as she cancelled one herself, and she took me back for a further appointment which should have taken place at 10:00am on the 2nd February. I reminded myself about it for a whole week before that date, but on that morning, I completely forgot! I couldn't even call to apologise. There are no excuses for it. I just feel ashamed! My place of work gave me a dyslexia test and it turned out positive, so they blame my forgetfulness on that, but I'm not convinced. I had no idea I was dyslexic. I have no trouble with English, but apparently, it affects moods, numbers, and time keeping! It DOES explain a lot though.

Me and my Brother had a HUGE bust up because he treats our Mother like shit! He always has, but I've managed to comfort her without saying anything to him, but this time, he went too far and we had a big fight. We're out of each others lives now, and it might sound bad but, I don't feel any different.

Me and Mum's husband almost came to blows recentlytoo. I had him up against a wall while he was trying to get me to hit him, which I'd never do, but god I was so close. I have no desire to hit an old man with arthritis, but my temper is fierce when it wants to be, and for that moment, I just lost control, but I didn't hit him and never would. I just took a long walk in the snow until my arms were too numb to lash out.....lol!

I'm also trying to break away from the habit of the internet. I found myself hiding behind it. I made friends in chat rooms on various sites. I tried to glam up my myspace to stop me from thinking about actual life and I became obsessed with a programme called 'Paltalk'. So now, I've sent a request to myspace to delete my profile, I've deleted accounts on numerous other sites and I've not been on paltalk properly for three weeks. I even deleted my whole paltalk profile today,and it felt good. I FEEL GOOD!

Now I'm getting back in the saddle. I wanna go to college for Photography and graphic design, but need a job in the mean time. I'm gonna go through an agency and try to get a small job doing ANYTHING to do with photography. I love digitally restoring old photo's, so I'm gonna take a shot at maybe doing it professionally. I've also been planning out my ideas for 'Stevie's Diner', which was gonna be a kinda 50's American vinatge pancake/waffle house. My good friend Peter has offered me £5000 to start with, but I need to get MUCH more to begin anything. Right now, no bank would offer me any kind of loan. They'd be INSANE if they did!! lol!!

But first things first, how the hell do I quit a job that's been paying me sick pay for 6 months?!

If you read through all of that, thank you. I just had to get this off my chest and maybe ask, WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW?! lol!
xx

2010-01-24T21:08:00.005Z

Hey guys,

PLEASE sign my petition!!

Thanks all.
xxxx

www.thepetitionsite.com/1/get-paul-and-rachel-chandler-home

Hostages - I gotta vent!

2010-01-24T19:00:00.006Z

Foreign Secretary David Miliband insisted that the Government would not get involved in any ransom payments to secure the release of a British couple kidnapped by pirates in the Indian Ocean.

Mr Miliband said he could not stop private individuals from pursuing the possibility of a ransom deal, but that the Government had always made it clear that making concessions to hostage-takers was not in Britain's interests.

His comments came days after Paul and Rachel Chandler issued a desperate plea for help, revealing that they had been split up by their captors and feared they could be killed within days.
The couple, from Tunbridge Wells, Kent, were taken hostage after heading from the Seychelles towards Tanzania in their yacht Lynn Rival on October 23 last year.

Unconfirmed BBC reports suggest that an attempt by British special forces to free them was "bungled" because of bureaucratic delays and technical problems.
And the pirates have said that if the UK government is unwilling to pay for their return, then their friends should raise the money.

Mr Miliband told BBC1's Andrew Marr Show: "Our position is absolutely clear. The British Government never makes substantive concessions to hostage-takers, including in respect of ransom payments, and we always advise people of that.

"Can we stop private individuals? No, we can't. But we have a very clear policy of our own and the British Government is absolutely clear it is not in our interests."

He added: "Are we working night and day on the Chandler case and a small number of other British nationals who have been kidnapped around the world? Yes we are, and we are doing so with the rest of the Government."

In an interview with ITV News, retired quantity surveyor Mr Chandler, 59, said he was "just existing in hope", adding: "I'm afraid that they will just kill us and abandon us in the desert here."

Ya know what I read in this article? BULL SHIT!

The UK government is more concerned about pride than even TRYING to save the lives of two people! Does the fact that these two BRITISH citizens were kidnapped and held hostage while they were on vacation not hurt their pride even more?? Wasn't there wars fought so we could retain our freedom and our rights as British citizens? They went through all that, just to let our citizens be killed by armed bullies?

Don't get me wrong, I totally understand the whole stance of 'Not being bullied into giving money', but for GOD sake, saving lives is surely more important . Give into your damn pride and get these two people home safely before it's too late.

I hate political wankers who will sit behind their desks and do nothing!!! How would they feel if it was themselves in this situation? How would they feel if it was their parents out there?

Rachel Chandler is reportedly being 'Tormented' by her captors. This whole thing just disgusts me. and I'm disgusted at our government.

I'm writing a letter to every stuck up, money grabbing cock face in Parliament!!

Panic

2009-12-22T00:37:00.000Z

Panic attacks have been occuring a lot more lately.

I've been off work for the past 4 months because of them. I'm having counselling to figure out exactly what's going on, but I don't exactly feel confident about any treatments they could give.

Ya know, and yes I AM aware of how melodramatic this sounds, but some days I feel so rough, I almost feel as though I wont live long. They get so intense, I'm often terrified that my body's just gonna pack up someday. I can't explain it any other way. I daren't say this stuff to family and friends, and my counsellor has assured me that panic attacks can't kill ya, but I can't help the feelings I get from them.

I wanna be able to watch a scary film without having to fight for breath. I wanna be able to run without fearing that it's gonna trigger a panic attack.

Anyways, sorry for the downer of an entry. Just had to get it out there cos I really feel like I'm alone and nobody knows what the hell I'm feeling or going through. AGGHHH!!

Call me dirty minded, but...

2009-11-09T00:49:00.004Z

Call me dirty minded, but......

I been meaning to blog about this for a while but never got around to it. A lot of my friends already know this and find it amusing to make fun of me because of it, so I thought I'd share it with you.

As many of you know, my mother is an avid collector of fairy ornaments. Not only does she love the models, but she has pictures, books, DVD's, all full of fairy stuff. So much so, that she actually named this house 'Faerie's End'. There's even a plaque up on the wall at the front of the house with the word 'Faerie's End'.

My friends already found it amusing that a gay guy would live at such an address, but then google earth fueled the fire when the true shape of our housing estate was revealed in all it's 'Morning Glory'!!

Check this!! My house is the little red letter 'A'.

Do you see what we see?

Now check my diagram......

Forgive my dirty mind, but that's right, I'm a gay guy, living at Faerie's End, on a giant PENIS!!! I'm right in the middle of the balls!! LOL!

I feel sorry for those who live on the tip.....:-/

Freaked out!

2009-10-27T09:15:00.001Z

Hey everyone!!

I just woke up but have got to write down the dream I had before I forget. It's freaked me out!!

Ok, the dream begins where I wake up in the morning (so I thought it was real). The first thing I always do is take a drink, then go to my window, open the blind and smoke. Sure enough, that's what I did. I was standing there for a minute or so as usual, when suddenly, I saw some strange things. Plants were moved. Like they weren't where they should be. They were casually thrown all over the place. Then I looked at the clouds and they seemed really dark strange. People seemed different. Everyone looked as if they were in deep thought. Then I saw a BIKE floating upward! It flew so high! Then, out of nowhere, a huge shadow was cast over everything. I looked up and couldn't believe my eyes. It was a planet!!!! A very weird looking planet right above earth and it looked like it was getting closer!

I freaked and ran down stairs, yelling for Mum and her husband. When I got into the living room, I found a very shaken up Adrian. 'Adrian, have you seen it?!!', I yelled. He went on to tell me that it's been on the news all day. Earth's orbit has decayed for some reason, and we're now drifting through space. The planet wasn't getting closer to us. WE were getting closer to it!

Everything was screwing up. There were patches where gravity wasn't quite right, so people were going there and floating for fun. Other weird things were happening everywhere. Everything was wrong and scary. There were new things in the sky. Tiny little moons in the distance.

I'm calling my friends to see how they are. Nobody seems particularly shaken up.

Then I find myself in a bar with some friends. Nobody seems to wanna talk about what's happening. Infact, there's a sense of calm and fun all around. I bump into my aunt who's talking to her friend about a new job offer. I hear her say 'I'm gonna go for it cos it's more money than what I'm on now'. I then wonder WHY that's a concern when we're all gonna be dead soon anyways!!

Then I'm in the mens restroom talking to guys about what's goin on. It's like they're scared to talk about it. 'How are we gonna survive without the sun? We need it for energy, food........and the Moon. Our gravity's fucked without it!!! The tide wont come in and out anymore!!'. They finally seem interested in what I'm saying.

The dream then moves again, back to my house. Adrian's watching TV again. 'Steven, they have a date now. And they've named it'. 'A date for what?', I asked. 'The end of the world', he replied. We look at the tv and there's some American guy on there giving a speech about humans and our way of life and how we all need to come together in the best of human spirits. Then another guy comes on giving the special announcement. He looks sad. '......in a time of fear for all of us, but The phenomenon known as 'Po Paul' will occur on September 10, 2010'.

Then I wake up! What the hell is 'Po Paul'?! lol!

I'm freaked here!
xxxxxxx

How far would you go to uncover the lies of someone you've never met?

2009-10-24T08:53:00.003+01:00

I've been watching a lot of thriller movies lately and it got me thinking about the writing process. I have a few stories in my head that I'm ITCHING to write, but never really had the time. I've always had a few ideas in mind, but never settled on which to write about, so I've decided to take some inspiration from my life and write what I know, break it down some, but twist it somewhat. Cheesy, but fun, this is the first idea:

Taglines:

'L.ive O.r L.ie'

'How far would you go to uncover the lies of someone you've never met?'

'Danger has logged on'

Brief Synopsis:

In a small village in England, Stephanie Hewitt's quiet life is about to be put in danger as she struggles to discover the truth about the mysterious death of the parents of someone she's never met.

Synopsis:

Based on a true story, Stephanie Hewitt battles social anxiety and panic attacks. Out of work, stuck in the house with nothing to pass the time, she discovers an online chat programme called 'Buddy talk'. She quickly makes strong friendships online and even strikes up a romantic relationship with a popular member of the programme, a young American man (Dwight Velez), but as the relationship falls apart, the online chat community is shaken to learn that Dwight's parents have both been killed by seperate events within hours of each other.

Now, full of doubt and suspicion, Stephanie is convinced that there's more than meets the eye to the story and sets out to discover the truth, no matter what the cost.

I'm gonna keep adding the other ideas too, then figure out which one to work on. Ooh I'm excited.....lol!

Healing, work and singing.......

2009-09-22T00:01:00.003+01:00

Hey folks.....

Well, I'm doing a lot better now. I'm waiting for results of a chest X ray, but it's been over a week so I'm presuming there's nothing serious to report as I would've hopefully heard by now.

I'd joked that I had swine flu a few times, but considering how floored I've been for the past month, I really do think I've had it. I'm only just starting to eat properly again, although the anti-biotics are making it really difficult, so I'm making sure I take a Sanatogen complete multivitamin tablet every day (which are huge. I'm sure they're horse tranquilizers!).

I can't remember the last time I was at work. I spoke to my boss on the phone today and they just want me to take more time to recover fully before going back, but I feel I'm so out of the loop now, I wouldn't know where to begin going back just yet. It helps living so close to my work place, because I often see the young people that I work with out and about and recently, their comments have been helping me a lot.

Also, I want to hopefully get started back up with my singing again soon as I miss it a lot. I couldn't even talk without coughing lately, so I've steered clear of singing anything much at all, but I'm trying to change style and go more pop/R'n'B than constant country. I still love country, but my tastes have been developing lately and I wanna focus on different kinds of music. I want to record something fresh, exciting and that sounds nothing like me!!

Just before I go, I wanna give my love to Donna, who's going through a rough time right now due to an accident. Hope ya feel better soon hun, and as soon as ya do, that interview recording will be up on here!!

Hope you're all well. Miss ya all.
xxxx

In Memory......

2009-09-11T12:27:00.001+01:00

Come chat to me.......

2009-09-08T23:06:00.003+01:00

Hey guys! how you all doin??

Seven months ago, I made a post on here asking all of you if you'd be interested in a series of audio interviews with other bloggers.

Here's the post.

I did get quite a few responses, but I wasn't able to start them as different things cropped upo, but now I'm determined and tonight I'm recording the first one, so please get in touch if you wanna be included.

The interview will be about your blog and what it was that got you blogging to begin with..plus a giggle on the way.

The first interview is with donna (nightmaremom), so I will post it as soon as it's finished!!

Wooooooo!! Soo excited!!

xxxx

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No 4

2009-07-26T22:47:00.004+01:00

You didn't think I'd forgot about these did you?? I haven't done one of these since October, but I have another 3 to go!!

Moment number 4

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Tasha's Funeral

This is by far my most emotional scene. It gets me everytime!! lol!

I remember watching this scene with the family in the living room when I was a kid. We were all in tears, and it still makes me cry now. They killed Tasha off at the end of the first season. In real life, Denise Crosby (Grand daughter of Bing Crosby) didn't feel her character was developing in the way that she wanted, so she decided to leave.

I think it's the music that's mostly to blame, but now I cry 'cos I remember watching it with the family when I was like 5 years old!! Oh man...I'm gonna watch this again right now and blubber like a baby!!

'Au revoir lieutenant' :-(

Howdy folks!! I'm baaccckkk!! lol!

2009-07-23T01:41:00.003+01:00

Hey all!

It's been faaaar too long since I wrote in this thing. To be honest, I'm not sure why it's seemed so difficult to jot these things down. It just has!! I've never been much good at explaining myself.

As you all know, I do have a dramatic flare in me, but the stuff that's been happening lately needs no flaring..lol!

I've been to hell and back since May, but things are finally looking up.

I never said anything before, but me and Anthony were trying again with our relationship. Everything seemed fine for a while, but things fell apart and I reacted very badly to it.

I didn't realise how badly it all hit me until a few weeks ago. I found myself going to church a lot in the daytime, just to sit there and think. That's not so odd in itself, but I've never really been a religious person. I guess I'm still not, but I do regard myself as being very spiritual.

I was off work for 6 weeks due to stress, which actually began to affect me physically. I developed painful boils on my face, back and neck and I also developed an acute gum disease. The doctors and dentist all agreed it was all due to stress and exhaustion. I was put on tablets and steroids for everything, and I quickly began to feel much better.

I've been out on a few dates with some great guys, and even though they were lovely and STUNNING, I realised that I wasn't ready for anything other than friendship. I didn't even want to kiss anyone else, never mind sleep with anyone. I'm thankful for the new friends I've made though!

A few weeks ago, in an attempt to inject some new stuff into my life, I got a new job in an American 50's themes restaurant, which I loved, but they wouldn't let me take breaks, even after 7 hours, and they would never even give me a clock out time. They just made me stay until I was no longer 'required', so I've kissed that job goodbye..lol!! I'm still working as a youth worker, so I'm not unemployed, but I want something else as well as.

In fact, speaking of youth work, for the past two Wednesdays, we've had a gang of teenage lads coming into the youth club and destroying everything in sight and I've even had one lad even hold a stick to my neck.

Tonight was no exception either. The night began with a young person getting run over by a car intentionally just down the street. He was on his way to the youth club, but friends convinced him to call an ambulance (thankfully!). I have no idea what the story is with all that. Also tonight, I've been working closely with a young man (14) who's been expelled from school for sexually abusing an 11 year old boy. We've no proof of anything yet, but it's confirmed that he has been expelled from school for those reasons. We need to talk to the school and find out what's actually going on and we need to decide whether this young man should be allowed in our youth club with other people the same age. It opens up a whole new can of worms for me, as I've never dealt with this kind of stuff before! Tonight, it was my job to keep him safe from the other young people and befriend him to see what I could find out, but at the same time, I didn't really feel comfortable befriending someone who may have sexually assaulted an even younger boy. I have to keep in mind, until we speak to the school and police, we have no proof that he's actually done anything, although I think that the school MUST have good reason to expel him! I'm looking forward to getting to the bottom of this though!

Anyways, me and Anthony are now trying AGAIN with the relationship. I think the time apart that we've had has helped us a lot actually. It feels so much better this time around. We both agree on that! 7 years is a long time to throw away, so I'm glad that we're giving it another go after all.

I never gave my review of the new Star Trek movie. It was FRICKIN AWESOME!!!!!!!!! I loved it!!! I even gave in to my geekness and bought the model of the ship...lol!! Actually, I bought another one today too, and it's HUGE!! It cost £40, but it's worth it (to me anyways...I love these lil' collectible things).

I've also gotten really into my singing again lately. I've added a lot of new stuff to my myspace, which is:

www.myspace.com/steviechristopher

Anyways, I'm trying to write about months worth of stuff here in one entry, so I'm kinda jumping from one subject to the next, so I'll wrap it up for now.

Hope you're all well! Back soon. I miss this place!!

xxxxxxxx

Real Wishes

2009-05-30T03:55:00.002+01:00

real wishes - this is amazing http://www.real-wishes.com />

wish

Remembering the 96.......(Warning: Disressing images)

2009-04-16T01:03:00.003+01:00

Warning: Distressing images

In memory of the 96 people who were killed on April 15th, 1989, at the Sheffield Wednesday football (soccer) stadium in Sheffield.

~Photo Shoot - 29th March ~

2009-03-31T18:49:00.005+01:00

Hey guys!!

How's it goin? Just thought I'd share my photo shoot with you.

This was 2 days ago and was sooo much fun, although I was freezing!! I kept throwin a jacket on while we moved around....lol!!

I felt a bit silly pulling those serious 'smell the fart' faces but it was awesome!!

These were taken for me to use for publicity stuff, like sending out demo's and stuff like that. I've got a friend who's helping me with all that stuff now, and I'm really excited bout it!! He wanted to use 'em for a myspace page he's made me for my recordings, although I wanna record better stuff for the page.

www.myspace.com/stevieboi1983

Attention bloggers!!! - Come 'chat' to me!

2009-02-26T13:57:00.003Z

I need to run this past all of you 'cos I'm really excited about this idea!!

I want to start doing a weekly audio interview session with bloggers here on blogger!

The idea is that I will be talking on audio via the 'Skype' chat programme (which is free to download), then we just call each other on there, chat away, record the whole thing, then upload it on to here with a page about that blogger. Kinda like 'This weeks guest' thing.

We'll talk about your lives, your blog and whatever else you fancy. It'll just be a laugh!!

I've spoke to Donna (nightmaremom) about it and she thinks it's a great idea, so she's agreed to be my first 'guest' to see how it all goes. I'm so excited! lol!

What do you guys think?!?

If I start sorting stuff out, how do I decide who to interview week by week? Obviously, I don't want it to JUST be friends of mine, so I'm not sure how to work that one out.

Let me know your ideas if you're interested.

Thanks guys!
xxx

What the heck?!

2009-02-21T15:13:00.003Z

I swear, I'm not crazy and this isn't some bid for attention, but it's happened again!

A dream I had last night......it just happened. Not the same surroundings or situation, but somethin just happened that I dreamt last night, and it was precise! What the hell is goin on?! LOL!

I NEED TO DREAM OF THE LOTTERY NUMBERS!! haha!

Seriously though, what's goin' on?!

Something happened yesterday evening too. I was walking downstairs to ask Mom if she fancied walking to the store with me...........actually I dunno how to explain this. Basically, in a nut shell, I heard what she said before she said it.....probably 'cos I know her so well, but still....I knew what she was saying to her husband before I even got into the living room! Freaked me out. It's been like this ever since the day I was listening to the radio while I brushed my teeth at the sink.

Weird stuff keeps happening!

While we're on the subject of weird coincidences, I found it amazing that mine and Brandon's favourite numbers are right next to each other. My fave number is '310'. His is '311'. '310' is my birthdate....3rd October. Brandon has another reason for '311' being his fave number, but we just find it bizzare....lol!

Anyways........Yeah..erm....back later.....lol!

The darndest things!

2009-02-17T17:51:00.005Z

Hey everyone. How you all doin'?

I guess it's been a while since I read or even posted much at all. I miss it. I miss reading journals too..:-( I still think of this place as 'J~land' from the aol journals..lol!

I was stood brushing my teeth at the sink yesterday morning. I'd just gotten out of the shower. I was listening to 'Magic fm' on my lil' ducky shower radio thingy that sits on the shelf inside the cubicle. The reception isn't crystal clear but it's good enough! Anyways, the song ended and the DJ began talking bout the usual crap. Weather reports, traffic...etc.. Then he says "And tomorrow, we're gonna be focusing on artists who's names begin with the letter 'Q' ''. He mentioned 'Queen' with Freddie Mercury but then I lost reception for a few seconds. In those few seconds, as I had the tooth brush in my mouth, I thought to myself 'Ooh, what about Status Quo??! Actually, nah...that's an 'S' name. They wouldn't get away with it." Then, like 3 seconds later, the reception came back and the DJ said,"I'm thinking of playing something by Status Quo, but I doubt I'll get away with it". He repeated the exact words I'd just said to myself about the very same thing! OK, I know it's just coincidence, but still, it was kinda freaky.

Also, the night before last, I had a bizzare dream. I dreamt that my uncle Frank was rich and successful from his singing career and asked me to live at his house for a while to look after an elderly friend of his who wants to spend his remaining days with him. I said yes. The next thing I know, I'm helping this elderly guy up a long flight of stairs and then took him into the kitchen where I sat him down and then made him a drink. He started talking to me about his past. It was actually interesting, but then I got a phone call on my mobile. You'll never believe who it was. It was Elton John!! Apparently, he was also a friend of my Uncle Frank and found me attractive. He asked me out on a date!! LOL!!

Weird thing is, I haven't seen or heard from Frank for such a long time and I'm not even close to him so I don't even think about him to be honest.

Anyways.....there's a punchline.

When I woke up that day, my Mum told me that she was going round to Frank's old house to clean it out for my Uncle Henry. Straight away I thought "How weird. I've just dreamed about him and now today, he gets mentioned as soon as I wake up". Then later on, I was round at a friends house and someone asked me, "Did you read the paper about Elton John? Apparently he's told Jade Goody and her husband that they can live at his house to live out the remainder of her days" (Jade Goody is a Z list British celebrity who sadly only has a short time to live as her cancer has spread everywhere). I almost fell off my seat! I was like "Woah, AGAIN!!".
Infact, writing this, I've only just realised another connection to the dream. The fact that Jade is spending her final days at Elton's house, and in my dream, the old man was spending his final days at my Uncle's house! OK, me thinks I'm reading far too much into this..so I'll stop! lol!

Something else happened the other day too, but I wont talk about that yet. It was spooky! lol!

Got a few things I wanna write about soon. Gotta get a few things off my chest, but I'll leave you with this song that I recently discovered through a person that........well, I'm very much in love with. I'd never even heard of this band until he played it for me. The story behind this song is also beautiful. Check it out if you have time.

It's called 'Moments' by Emerson Drive.

Getting back on my feet.....

2009-01-20T10:21:00.004Z

Watch your thoughts; they become your words. Watch your words; they become your actions. Watch your actions; they become your habits. Watch your habits; they become your character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. ~ Frank Outlaw

Hey everyone. How's everyone doin?

It's been too long since I last posted. I've just been going through some stuff and lost track of a few things, but hopefully I'll be around more often from now on.

Truth is, I've been hurt bad by someone who I never thought was capable of hurting me. Aint that always the way? After 6 months, it all boils down to this.

So many lies!

I gave my heart completely and was willing to change my life, but that just wasn't good enough. Thing is, I can't hate him, no matter how hard I try. I'm so in love, it hurts. I hate myself for letting this happen.

I literally couldn't give any more of myself than what I did. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.

He was the reason for this video, as it's one of his favourite songs.

So thanks to all of you for being patient with me, and I've appreciated the 'where are you?' emails. Thanks so much for caring. You guys are the best.

Hope you're all well, and happy new year!
I'll let Cher speak for me here. She hits it on the head!
xxxx

Holy sh**!!!

2008-11-19T09:21:00.005Z

I've waited 6 years for this, and boy did they deliver (well, for the trailer anyways).

So, the Star Trek that I knew and loved is dead and we now have this new imagining of it from fresh minds, and I have to say......... THIS LOOKS FANTASTIC!!

I'll definitely be going to the premiere in May....if I can wait that long..grrrrrr!

Check out how amazing this trailer is, even if you're not a fan!!

The only thing I have to complain about is the ship. Take a look.

This is how it should look (from the 60's)

And this is what they've done with it.....

Ok, it's the GEEK in me that's complaining. I guess something that designed for 1960's TV would look rubbish in cinemas in 2009, but they've changed a classic..:-(

Apart from that, bring it on!!!

SHE'S BACK!!

2008-11-13T13:01:00.003Z

2008'S CMA's were a buzz last night as the surprise special guest took to the stage to present an award for Entertainer of the year.

Shania Twain, who hasn't been seen publically since her split with music producer Mutt Lange (who cheated on her with her best friend, the RAT!), was welcomed to the stage with a standing ovation.

She seemed to be holding back the tears when she said...

'Thank you so much. Trust me, it's good to see all of you too, and I'll hopefully be seeing a lot more of you'

Apparently, since the split, she's thrown herself into new music and hasn't been able to put her guitar down. The songs are 'Pouring out of her'.

This, plus the news that she's hard at work recording with a new producer in the studio means that finally, SHE'S BACK, and as you can imagine, I'm jumping up and down with excitement!!

WELCOME BACK SHANIA!

Donna (Nightmaremom)

2008-11-13T12:54:00.004Z

As you all probably know, Donna (nightmaremom) suffered a heart attack recently. I didn't find out till a week later, but I just wanna send my love and well wishes for her and family.

We're all rootin' for ya babes. Hope you're back on your feet soon. We need that msn chat!!

Much love babes
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hostage, Halloween, drumming and Cher..oh my!

2008-11-02T23:03:00.005Z

Hey everyone. How are you all enjoying your new home here on blogger?
It was a shame to say goodbye to aol journals on Friday, especially knowing some people didn't get their journals transferred (sorry D)
:-(

Well, I need to update more often in little parts 'cos there's so much been goin on lately. I sometimes just puke my thoughts out on here all in one go, which is what I'm going to do now I'm afraid..lol!

Firstly, I can't go into too much detail with this, but I was kinda held hostage at work by a youth worker who's flipped out 2 weeks ago. She was having a psychotic episode as me and a colleague got stuck with her. She screamed in our faces, grabbed my colleague by her throat, pinched her arm so much, it bled, obsessed over my name. She couldn't stop saying 'Steven Moore'. It was very creepy and VERY scary. She also got very paranoid that I was after her banking details. She grabbed my work and wrote sexual stuff on it. We got away as quickly as we could (after 20 mins of being stuck with her), but unknown to us at the time, after we'd gone home, she attacked someone so severely that she's now locked up. I did go back down the day after to report the incident before anyone, or even herself got hurt, but it was too late.

I dunno if she's in jail or an asylum, but when I gave my statement to my boss's and the police, I was told that she's suspended from work and is 'Being looked after and getting the help that she needs'. I can't get her eyes out of my head. That piercing stare she was giving me. She's such a beautiful Italian lady. Apparently, she has worked for the company for years and is a lovely, hard working person. I can't help but wonder what happened to her that day to make her crack the way she did, but take my word for it, it was very scary!

Anyways, on to other stuff. I took part in an 'African Drummers' session last Wednesday in the centre as part of 'Black History Month'. They were there to teach the kids how to drum, but I ended up sitting in and enjoying it too. By the end, I was drumming and singing the song 'I can see clearly now'..haha! It was awesome!! I enjoyed talking to the guy about our different cultures, traditions and beliefs. It was very eye opening.

I'm actually quite sad today as I think about a whole bunch of friends that I've fell out with. It's a long story, but basically, it started with 4 of them having a fall out. I told all of them to keep me out of it 'cos it had nothing to do with me, but I eventually had to get involved after a few of them were publicly bitching and name calling my other friend. I hate taking sides, but I don't like bullies and never will. This had lead to even more arguments and more people getting involved, and it's just too much. I've never actually had stuff like this before. Horrible aint it??

I hope you all had a great Halloween. I certainly did. Now we gotta get 'bonfire night' out of the way on the 5th November, and then it's the build up to Christmas. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Anyways, I'll leave you with a funny. These two are my FAVOURITE comediens EVER and I'm gonna miss them so much when they retire. This is the best impression of Cher that I've ever seen. It had me crying with laughter..lol! Hope you like it. Till next time, bon voyage.........lol!

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No 5

2008-10-30T23:06:00.003Z

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock

'Stealing the Enterprise'

I was too young to see this the first time around, but it's now one of my fave scenes!

Captain Kirk is always at his best when he's pissing someone off or going against orders, and in this scene, he's doing just that!
Desperate to save the life of his friend, Captain Kirk asks permission to take the Enterprise on a rescue mission. When the answer 'No' is given, he decides to take it anyway.
CLASSIC!

My fave line in this scene?

McCoy - 'Are you just gonna WALK through?!'
Kirk - 'Calm yourself Doctor'

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No. 6

2008-10-21T09:54:00.002+01:00

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
'What you leave behind'

Deep Space Nine is probably one of my more favourite Star trek shows. The story, writing and acting was incredible. I think that's why I'm struggling finding my favourite clips from the show, 'cos it was always so consistently great!
After watching the show religiously for 7 years, this final episode flashback scene made me cry..LITERALLY! No other Star Trek show has said goodbye like this, but I think it's exactly the way it should have been done.

Not only do the flashback scenes make me realise how good DS9 was, it also brings back memories of myself when I was younger and watching these episodes for the first time. Add to that the wonderful tune of 'The way you look tonight' and I'm gone!

I'm already a big softie, so to pull my heart strings like this was just a crime.

Oh it's all too much....I need Kleenex......

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No 7

2008-10-20T15:36:00.003+01:00

Star Trek 7: Generations

'All hands, brace for impact'

Those pesky Klingons are at it again. Following a battle in orbit of a planet, the Enterprise is left hurtling toward the planets surface with the crew stuck on board with no seat belts... I remember seeing this in the cinema when I was a kid. My heart was racing through the whole thing!
In the words of the pilot (Data).....'Ohhhhhh SHIT!'

Something kinda ooooh!!

2008-10-19T00:50:00.003+01:00

This was a request from Anthony.
I laughed all the way through it, but I'm quite happy with how it turned out actually. Makes a nice change to the usual load of old ballads..lol!

and here's the orginal version just incase you wanna see it .........

Hope ya like it..lol! xxx

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No. 8

2008-10-17T21:24:00.004+01:00

'Star Trek IV: The Undiscovered Country'

The 6th and final installment of the original series movies.

This final scene was the last ever featuring all of the original crew.
The music, the script, the signatures.....PURE GENIUS...perfect send off, AND ALWAYS BRINGS A TEAR TO MY EYE!

"Second star to the right, and straight on till morning"........

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No. 9

2008-10-17T14:52:00.005+01:00

Number 9 - 'Star Trek: Voyager'

'Timeless'

Taken from the 100'th episode of 'Voyager', this clip shows the whole crew killed after a disastrous crash!

My Fave Star Trek Moments - No.10

2008-10-17T12:15:00.006+01:00

First of all, I KNOW I'm a geek, but with the latest buzz about Star trek again, it's got me thinking of my fave moments from the various Star Trek episodes.
Here's my top ten countdown.

10. - 'Star Trek: Enterprise'

First Xindi attack on Earth

Thus begins a whole year of searching for the evil 'Xindi' species in the dangerous region of space known as the 'Expanse'.

After a shaky start which wasn't received well by viewers, 'Star trek: Enterprise' ended season 2 with a bang, making way for a season 3 full of action and drama with the crew of the Enterprise hell bent on revenge and racing against time to save earth from the myserious Xindi's biggest and final attack.
WOO!!

My boys.........

2008-10-17T01:49:00.007+01:00

Sorry D, I know I've stole your line, but I too also have a set of my own boys..lol!

My boys, 'The All-American Rejects' have a new album out in December, and this is their new single. It's my favourite song of theirs yet....they just get better and better! There's no video yet, but you can hear the song. I can't stop rockin' to it!! It's already securely on my ipod...with a play count of 70 odd already..lol! The lyrics are very fitting for me at the moment too (they must be psychic).

Also, some of you already know her, but my Mother has a new blog here, so please go visit her. ~The perils of patricia~

She'd really appreciate it....thanks guys.

I think it was Indigo's journal I was reading the other day. She pointed out that even though we've all been given the boot by trusty 'AOL', the spirit of it has very much followed on here at blogger, and I'm really happy about that.
We're a team!! *Raises glass*...CHEERS! xxxx

(This is a pic I took over a year ago, before the 6am start at Tescos. I was hanging out of the bathroom window 'cos the sun rise was beautiful!)

A funny thing........

2008-10-16T23:50:00.007+01:00

Hey readers, how's it goin'?

Today was the first day of 'college' for me. I'm taking a NVQ (National Vocational Qualification) in youth work and community. I had to sit an English and math assessment, as that's an add on course which I chose. Apparently I have nothing to worry about, although I'm SURE my math results will be AWFUL!

For a while now, I've been questioning WHY I'm a youth worker. Maybe it's all the recent events with the stabbing and whatnot, but I began losing my drive for the job.

Anyways, today was no different. I sat in this room with three tutors and all the other youth workers who were taking the same course, but all the while I'm asking myself if being here is really worth it. It was interesting. I met some great people, so I'm glad I went.

I can't believe this next part. It's like some cheesy scene from a movie or something.

After the session ended, I walked through town to my bus stop. It was pretty quiet, but there was this really shifty lookin' guy at the bus stop too, and he kept staring at me like, every 20 seconds. His hood was up, he had a scarf round most his face. He looked like such a chav! I really felt creeped out, so I went and sat on the bench. Sure enough, he comes and sits next to me and asks me for the time. 'Ten to ten', I told him. He then asked if I'd got 30 pence for the bus to Pittsmore (which is an area that's not too far from the bus stop), so I gave him a pound instead. He seemed grateful, said thank you and went quiet, but he kept looking at me again!

I got this feeling that he wanted to talk, so I asked him 'So have you had a good night?'. He shook his head, looked down and said 'I've been a naughty guy tonight'. He went on to tell me that he was 17, no job and had been involved in some kind of drugs raid just minutes before. I knew straight away that 'youth worker Ste' was gonna get involved here, so in front of other people, I gave him the whole youth worker lecture and asked him about his life.

He said 'Grand theft auto, the computer game - that's my life, but in real life and that's what I'm used to'. He explained that he's involved in gang wars. 'You people don't see the wars that are going on around us'. Little does he know, but I do know about these 'Post code' (Zip code) wars.

I KNEW that there was a good kid in there somewhere, so I carried on chatting to him, trying to make him laugh. Sure enough, it worked!

His hood came down, the scarf came away from his face. The transformation was unbelievable! Such a good looking and SOCIABLE character. Turns out he's really into street art and writing. How could a kid like this be involved in drugs raids at 17 years old, especially being as bright as he is?! I told him about the work we do. We actually hire professional spray painters in to do street art projects with groups. Like some stores want their shutters spraying with a theme....we do work like this.

I also told him about all we can offer, and I tell ya, he totally lit up. I passed him my number, and although he has no phone, he's gonna borrow some one's and we'll arrange for him to come visit us at the centre.

Both our buses turned up simultaneously. He shook my hand and thanked me. Actually though, I should be thanking him, 'cos he seemed to be a big reminder of why I work with young people, right when I needed it the most, and so I told him so.

I soooooo hope he gets in touch with us, 'cos his life could easily go the wrong way, and I don't wanna be hearing about another stabbing or shooting again.

I just can't believe that I bumped into this young lad with the problems he had, and I managed to help him, or at least do my part to get him on the right track. What a sign....and not even a subtle one. It's right smack dab in my face!! WEIRD!!

First glimpse..........

2008-10-16T00:01:00.009+01:00

After 2 years of waiting, I've finally seen official pics of the new Star Trek movie, to be released in 2009 (should've been this December, but they changed it to May '09, just to piss me off I think!).

Call me a geek, but I'm wetting my pants at these! Woo!!

Gotta wait till May 2009 now..grrrrrrrr!

How hot is the new Captain Kirk!??! lol!

Catch up...........

2008-10-12T21:50:00.006+01:00

Hey bloggers!!

Ya know what, I'm actually liking this place. In my opinion, there seems a lot more to do than we could on aol journals. I LOVE that it auto saves drafts while you're typing. The times I'd sat on aol for hours typing something, just to have some thing go ape shit on me and delete my whole entry..grr! I'm sure we've all been there!

I'm kinda glad aol's had this nervous breakdown...lol!
Anyways, just thought I'd write a little update on my life, which strangely enough, I never seem to do in a blog that's supposed to be about my life.

Well, I now realise that I'm 25. It really wasn't that big of a deal to me at first. 25 isn't old.....not to me anyways. It wasn't until a young guy said to me the other day............

'You look great for your age'.........Sorry but................WTF does that mean?!

FOR MY AGE?!?!

I'm like 4 years older than this douche and he's already got me in the old biddies home!! I tells ya, I'm not a violent person, but I could easily have been at that moment..lol!

On to other stuff, and I apologise but this is heavy.

I returned to work on Friday after a 2 week leave of absence. Dunno what happened but a LOT of stuff seemed to heap on top of me really quickly over the last few months that lead to me getting ill from being run down. I wouldn't say depressed but I was crying a lot It was very strange actually, 'cos I'd been keeping on top of things for the past year or so.

I guess it started with the break up of my relationship, which was my choice but still affected me harder than I thought. After all, 7 years is a long time.

Then this happened..........

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1658687.ece

This incident happened right here where I am. A house party got out of control and resulted in a teenager being beaten and stabbed to death, over something so meaningless as an X box game. This happened during our half term break, so none of us (Youth workers) knew which youths were involved with it, but we knew we'd know them because we work with every young person in the area. That wait was AWFUL!

As it turns out, I didn't personally know the youth that was murdered, and I'll admit to taking a tiny bit of comfort from that, but shockingly, I knew one of the youths that had killed him. I've worked very closely with him for a year now.

For some reason, when the other workers found out, they somehow concluded that the best course of action was to not inform me that this particular youth was involved and let me find out for myself from other young people in the youth club, which REALLY pissed me off.

In my opinion, I should've had some warning of what to expect. As youth workers, we should all have the same basic knowledge of events concerning youths in our club and the surrounding areas. Otherwise, how can we be there for them adequately and do our jobs?

Instead, I was left to find out while I was actually surrounded by the young people at work, who were all very upset, angry, confused and shocked. It was obvious that I was shocked as they spoke about it, and I feel that I let them down because I didn't have the info beforehand.

Does that make sense? I should've been able to offer them support when they clearly needed it, but my own feelings got in the way because it was such a shock. The young lad involved is someone who I've always got along with. He's asked me for advice on things countless times, and we used to just chat about relative issues. Out of everyone, he would've been the last person I'd suspect of murdering someone. He's now been sentenced to jail. WHAT AN IDIOT!!

What makes me more angry is, to stab someone, it happens in a flash. I'm not excusing it at all, but one moment of blind rage, and it's done. But to BEAT someone while they're already down with a knife wound - you have to think about that act. You KNOW what you're doing, yet you carry on. He was one of many that helped beat him and no matter how hard I try, I cannot figure out what the hell this 'Lovely young lad' was thinking!

One person is dead, yet many have thrown their lives away, all over a damn X box game!

I'm gonna stop there because I'll just be shoving opinions down people's throats, and I don't want to do that. It's just been nice to vent, even though I swore not to write about this in here. Mind you, everything is public now and I haven't mentioned names apart from Dale, which everyone knows anyways.

I just wanna offer my condolences to Dale Robertson and all those affected. Such a waste.God speed fella. xxx

Well, I hope you're all doin well. I'm gonna get to going round everyone's journals more regularly, so see ya soon.

Catch up again soon!

How do you get that lonely?

2008-10-11T16:38:00.004+01:00

Recorded this earlier today. Love the meaning behind the song so HAD to record it.

Hope ya like it.

Hope ya all ok
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

How do you get that lonely?

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score
It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age
They found him face down on his bedroom floor

There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home
Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun?
Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol?
Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son?
Did no one see the writing on the wall?

I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand...

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call
that havin' no life at all Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

It was just another story printed on the second page
Underneath the Tiger's football score...

'Wanna make you cry'

2008-10-09T23:47:00.009+01:00

Well, I can't start a new blog without adding a new song can I? lol!

You'll have to jump to the bottom of the page and turn my jukebox off before you listen to this, otherwise you'll have music comin outta ya ears..haha!

Plus, you can't have a diner without some entertainment.

This is a song originally by the AWESOME Jeff Bates......Hope you like it.

New home.........

2008-10-09T05:56:00.007+01:00

Ooh I must say, this new place is quite comfy...

*plumps up cushions......looks around*

WOW, it even autosaves drafts so we never have to suffer lost entries again...OH I'M IN LOVE!!

I'll miss AOL, but I could get used to this place!!

If you're reading this, thank you. I've managed to transfer my blog here (phew..I really thought my old journal was a goner!), so PLEASE give me links to your blogs so I can keep up with you all. I freaked out on aol journals and somehow lost touch with everyone......NEVER AGAIN!!

I'm turning over a new leaf....err.....blog page thingy.....and I'm gonna keep in the know with all of you...cos I BLOODY MISS YA'S ALL!!

Well, the kettles on, the cushions are plumped, Corrie's not on for hours.....so let's get crackin' on this blogger thingy!

Thanks to the lovely Donna (nightmaremom) for my sig image.

We will never forget.....

2008-09-11T01:34:00.000+01:00

In a World............

2008-09-03T13:29:00.000+01:00

I was very saddened today to learn of the death of Don Lafontaine, who's voice is famous worldwide. He provided the narration for over 5,000 movie trailers and just as many tv commercials. He's one of those guys that you don't really think about. You just KNOW he's gonna be there whenever you go to the cinema or put on a DVD.

In 'the voice', 'Now......one man must fight for justice!'

I've heard soo many people mimic that 'movie guy voice', and I've even done it myself. I guess that kinda makes him more famous than a lot of movie stars.

R.I.P Don...you'll be truely missed!!

BIG BIG BIG BIG NEWS!

2008-09-01T17:41:00.001+01:00

Well, this is gonna be one hell of an entry! lol!

I haven't updated in a while. Truth is, I didn't know where to start!

I'll wrap it in a nutshell. I ended my relationship as I felt we've just grown so far apart. We literally aren't the same people to each other anymore, but we're still friends so it's ok.

Secondly, I went to Manchester last week to stay with some friends. We went out and I met 'Lonnie Gordon' briefly. Her record producer is also a friend of mine, but I'd never really thought about letting him hear one of my songs. Well, one of my friends randomly played him one of my songs, and I can't believe his reaction. He loved it. As soon as it ended, he asked me 'Stevie, how do you fancy a trip to London to record for real?'. I almost fell off my chair with excitement!

I think I have to be in London this weekend to stay with him and Lonnie, but I'm still waiting for confirmation. He's recently brought Lonnie out of retirement and she's been touring the UK. Ironic thing is, I was in Blackpool on holiday a few weeks ago, and Lonnie and Deano were in the club next door to the one I was in, and I never even knew it!

Also (and this excites me even more), the guy who produced '9 to 5' for Dolly Parton is writing me a song that suits my voice! HOW INSANE IS THAT?! I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's true..lol!

I'll be honest, I had no idea who Lonnie Gordon was when I met her, so I checked her out online, and I actually like some of her stuff. This video is probably my fave!

The audio's a bit quiet on this, but it's the best one I could get. Wish me luck guys.... Hope all's well out there. Missed you all lately..:-(

xxxxxx

Happy Birthday Shania!!

2008-08-28T13:51:00.000+01:00

Happy 43rd birthday to my favourite singer/song writer ever!!

This was her very first ever single. Check out that hair..WOW!

Video....

2008-08-24T10:28:00.000+01:00

Goodbye to an old 'friend'

2008-08-23T19:20:00.000+01:00

Well, the bastards over at 'Eon' have won and the cooling towers (a MAJOR Sheffield and Yorkshire landmark) are to be demolished at 3am tomorrow morning.

I can't even write this entry as I guarantee it wont be very pleasant to read.

Walking on the Milky Way, I say what a day!!

2008-08-05T02:17:00.000+01:00

Hey guys.....

This is somewhat of an emotional, self discovery, self healing kinda bullshit entry, so if you're not into that, please turn away now..lol!

Today started badly and become one of my more difficult days. I've not experienced it quite like this for 2 years, but I woke up and within minutes suffered a panic attack, and it hasn't really left me all day. It's still there now. I had to have the day off work too, which pissed me off cos I enjoy Mondays! Again, there's no huge reason for it, but I haven't been sleeping properly and I've had a few stresses. I just wish my body would handle stress and fatigue differently to this!

Anyways, onto the good stuff.

In 1995, I remember being a 12 year old boy sitting in his room taping the chart show from the radio. I'd always try to time it so that I didn't get bits of the DJ's voice overs on the recordings...(early pirating scheme me thinks). Anyways, on one particular tape, I remember two songs that really struck a chord in me.

One was 'In too deep' by Belinda Carlisle, which was in the charts that week, and the other was a song that I've never been able to find since. I remember the song really making me feel good. It was very uplifting to me, and I remember how I felt listening to it. All I could remember was a portion of the video and the fact that he mentioned outer space in the lyrics. That's it, so for all these years, I've not had enough information to track the song down. I've searched high and low, online, in chart records, back of compilation CD's, word of mouth. Nobody seemed to know what I was talking about. I was actually starting to think I'd dreamt the song up.............until today!!

With my free time (and to keep myself occupied today), I decided to post my memory of the song into certain forums online to see if I could jog anyone's memory. Person after person sent me link after link to songs from that time with a 'space theme', but none were right.

I'd just about given up when someone mentioned a title that seemed VERY familiar.........

'Walking on the milky way'.

THAT WAS IT!!!

I downloaded it straight away and almost cried when I heard it back. Good memories that I'd forgotten came flooding back. It made me feel the exact same way that it made me feel when I was a kid. It was fantastic!! It's not even about the song anymore. It's the relief of knowing that I wasn't wrong and that I've actually found it!

If you're interested, here's the song.

Just wanted to share the story...cos for some reason, it's important to me today. :-)

Hope you're all well!

xxxxxx

Tags: OMD, Walking On The Milky Way, 1996, charts

'Lost'

2008-07-22T13:42:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone, how ya doin?

I just recorded a new song. Michael Buble makes this song look and sound so easy. God I love him!!

Sorry for the boring video. Just wanted somethin simple..lol!

'Lost'

MAKE IT STOP!!!!

2008-07-17T02:33:00.000+01:00

Dogs are barking on the estate..NON STOP!!

They're driving me insane!!!!!

This has never happened before. They sound like they're outside. Why don't the owners just take them in?! Ours dogs are barking back so we're getting stressed having to tell them to shut up all the time too.

I wonder if everything's ok over there? It seems odd that nobody's telling them to be quiet..not even the owners.

This on a day that we find out there's two masked gunmen in the area.....GREAT!!

UPDATE - 2:39am

Ahhhhh, it's stopped....hell yeah!!

Falling Apart

2008-07-13T01:17:00.000+01:00

Oh my god, it's been an absolutely MENTAL week!!

A death, a funeral, new job, new friends, almost drowned on a canoe trip, lost my ring that I've had for YEARS and watched part of my family crumble away bit by bit which today resulted in my Aunt running away from Sheffield without telling any of us where she's gone.

I can't believe it. I know she'll be back someday, but she has some angry people after her (her husband and sons), all because she wants to live her own life, so she probably wont be back any time soon.

She's been staying here with me for the past 2 nights while Mum and Adrian were away in Ireland for the funeral of his sister. I'm so sad to see her go..:-(

New song....Ironic that it's called 'Falling Apart', but it's just coincidence. I'd planned this song before today's events. :-(

Falling Apart - MP3 download

or Link to video

Thanks guys.

xxxx

10 minutes to go..........

2008-07-05T18:34:00.000+01:00

Until.............

Interview and Pics entry..:-)

2008-07-05T17:22:00.000+01:00

I got this from the wonderful Lyn over at 'Brits Blog'.

1. What was the highlight of your day? Having a blast with friends in the early hours of this morning (see pics)..lol!

2. How many meals do you usually eat a day? It varies. Not usually more than two.

3. What's your favorite movie? 'Forrest Gump', which is ironic 'cos I tend not to watch it 'cos it makes me too emotional..lol!

4. Have you ever thought George Clooney was hot? No way, although I do have a thing for older guys..:-)

5. Have you ever doubted your sexual orientation? Not so much doubted, but wondered, sure!

6. How long has it been since you have seen an ex? A few weeks. How awkward!

7. Name 5 of your best friends. Hannah, Natalie, Craig, Darryl and Sam

Me and Hannah

Craig, Sam and me

My cousin Libby, me and Darrly

Natalie and Me

8. Would you ever consider moving to Zimbabwe? Depends what the reason was. If it was to sweep streets, then hell no, but if it was to live the high life, then maybe!

9. What would you do if someone dyed your pubic hairs bright pink permanently? Congratulate them for doing it without my knowledge. That deserves respect and a hand shake!

9. Would you ever dye your hair pink (the hair on your head)??? It'd have to snow on the hills of hell before I did that!

10. When was the last time you had Starbucks? Last week...(had same thing as Lyn - 'Strawberries and Cream mocca-bocca-froppa-chocca-cino')

11. Are you single? Nope

12. What is your opinion on global warming. It's scary stuff and we need to work together to tackle it.

13. What about abortion? I'd rather someone have an abortion than bring a baby into the world that can't be looked after or will have poor quality of life.

14. Which would you rather star in: High School Musical or Striptease? High School Musical baby!!

15. What's the worst movie you've ever seen? I forget what it's called. It's a Tom Cruise movie..it has raining frogs in it and stuff. Oh my word, that movie offended me! Actually, I think it was called 'Magnolia' or something.

16. How many times do you sneeze a day? Dozens in summer!

17. Are you an "adult"? Physically, yes..:-)

18. Where do you live? Sheffield, 'U OF K'..lol! (United of Kingdom? Hmm)

19. Have you ever thought Michael Jackson was going to kidnap you? Lol...funnily enough, the thought never occurred to me. Why, do you know something that I don't?

20. What color hair do you have? Brown (but often looks black!)

21. Would you rather have a hybrid vehicle or a Hummer? Oh I feel so stupid here, but I know little about cars, so I don't know the difference in this question.

22. Who is prettier: Angelina Jolie or Kate Bosworth? I like Kate.

23. What do you think about the tabloids? Can't believe everything you read, and they can be vicious!!

24. Have you ever been to Texas? No...I'd like to go, but someone once told me that it's notoriously anti-gay, so I'm quite scared. Although, I'd like to go FOR that reason..lol!

25. Would you want to go? Oops..just answered this up above!

26. Do you wear a watch? Yes, but it stopped working months ago, and yesterday, the number six fell off and now it freely shakes around inside the glass...lol!

27. Have you ever had the sensation that you were falling while asleep? Oh yes...I think we all have haven't we?

28. Would you rather work at Goodwill or McDonalds? I have no idea what 'Goodwill' is, but I detest McDonalds!

29. Whatdo you think about Britney Spears' 16 year old sis getting pregnant? I think the situation is magnified just because of who she is.

30. Do you recycle? I do when I'm able to, yes.

OK, I hope some of you will take up the challenge.... copy and paste and answer the questions. (Leave me a link so I can check out your answers).

Tags: Sheffield, Reflex, Flares

It's official.................

2008-07-01T23:31:00.000+01:00

I now have TWO jobs...lol!!

I went for my second interview at the new place on Monday. It was a panel of young people (13-19) who interviewed me. I thought it went horrible, but apparently they loved me!! lol! I can't believe it.

The boss called me today and offered me a job there, but they're gonna work it around the hours that I already do at my other job, so I now have 2 jobs!! YAY!!!

IM spamming, Bob the Builder and 'Perfect Day' update

2008-06-30T21:35:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone.

I have a beef! lol!

What the hell is going on with aol and the IM spamming? I don't know if this is affecting everyone the same, but over the last few weeks, I've had nothing but IM after IM messages from unfamiliar screen names which basically says: 'You'll never believe who has a crush on you! Click here to find out who now!'

I report the user for IM spam and then block the screen name, but for everyone I report, 7 more seem to take it's place!

What's happening? Anyone else suffering too??

An update on the 'Perfect Day' video - I haven't abandoned it at all, but some people who said they were interested have STILL not sent me their vocal clips. I sent everyone their line and supplied the backing track and lyrics, and even though some explained that they wanted to do it but couldn't until, let's say....'Saturday', these people still haven't sent me anything. I don't want to fill the gaps myself, and the idea was for every line to be by a different person, so I'm not sure what to do. If anyone could promote this entry to let them know that I'm still waiting, it'd be very much appreciated. I can't wait to get it finished! (P.S. I am aware of the person who is waiting for me to get her vocal from her, but we seem to keep missing each other time wise..lol! I promise I haven't forgotten..:-) )

Ok, that's all for now....any ideas on the IM spamming??

This picture was taken yesterday when I worked on a stall for my organisation at a fun fair event on a field in High Green. I don't know if the person inside this 'Bob the Bulider' costume was male or female, but they wouldn't leave me alone..haha!!

Our Town......

2008-06-30T01:16:00.000+01:00

A new song I recorded today. I also did an mp3 version (which I prefer). Click the link to download it.

I absolutely love this song. It's beautiful. If you get time, search for 'James Taylor' singing it. He's amazing!

Thanks. Hope ya like it. Kinda nervous bout this one..:-(

Please click HERE to download mp3 version. Thanks guys. :-)

xxxxx

S.O.S!!

2008-06-19T22:41:00.000+01:00

Dear journally bloggy type thingy,

I'M TERRIFIED!!

I've applied for a full time job at a youth organisation in my area. There's nothing wrong with my current part time job, but I'm starting to feel that I could be doing so much more, which is why I'm looking for full time now. Not only would it be terrific for my career, but I'd also have much more money, which I really need right now too.

Good news is, after handing in my application last week, I've been short listed for an interview on Tuesday, and an informant on the inside has told me that I've done really well as some people who already work in the building have been turned down. I'm so excited!

Only problem is, it's a two part interview. The first part is at 1pm, and I have to sit in front of a panel and do a 10 minute presentation on the challenges that young people face in their community. While this seems easy enough, I'm struggling to come up with anything productive. In the letter, they've said that they provide white board and power point for presentations, but I'm free to use 'Hand out cards' if I want, which means they're expecting a full presentation with hand outs and everything. What the hell am I going to do?? I've even asked the young people what challenges they feel they face daily, but they weren't much help.

I'm having a panic attack!!! LOL! Just kidding.

The second part of my interview is at 5:30pm and I'm going to be interviewed by a group of young people. I'm not sure what to expect from that so i'm not worrying as much....but the panel's gonna be a bitch!! lol! I keep going over it in my head over and over again, and it's a disaster everytime!

Any suggestions?? Please help me...S.O.S....Distress call...I'm on my hands and knees here..lol!

xxxxxxx

Happy days!

2008-06-11T17:58:00.000+01:00

Everyone loved my fancy dress costume last week in the club. Only problem was, it wasn't a fancy dress occassion!

Anthony, Sam, Me, Craig, Alex, Steven and my cousin's friend

Anthony, Sam, me and Alex

Me and Natalie enjoying the sun in town yesterday.

Me and Natalie advertising the extremely healthy 'Boost juice drinks' on the tram yesterday.

Me doing a 'Gay Fonzie'..lol!

THIS WAS A DARE!!! LOL! - 'Baywatch Ste'

Me doing a spot of gardening for once in my whole life..lol!

Why I now have a permanent mark on my working record.

2008-06-09T23:37:00.000+01:00

Yup, I really screwed up last week, and I can't get it out of my head. I can't believe I have a note on my permanent record!

What I did, my reasons for doing it, the way I went about it..etc....

Ok, so I'll start at the beginning, but before you read, you need to know this.

A 'Young person' at work is classed as someone aged 13-19 and if they work with us, we DO NOT socialise with them outside of work. At no times should we talk to them alone, and if we bump into them outside at any time, we're to say hi, but leave it at that.

Ok.....

A few weeks ago I was talking to a colleague of mine from work who also happens to be a really good friend. He was explaining to me that a young person we work with had become a volunteer for him on a lesbian, gay, bisexual (LGB) youth group. I thought that was great, as the young person (a 17 year old girl that I'll call 'Emma' here) is very bright and an all round fun person. I figured she'd be great for the group. So after that that, I no longer considered 'Emma' a young person. To me, she was a volunteer, which meant she was now a colleague. With that in mind, Emma and I swapped cell numbers as we get along so well and I'd kinda been someone for her to talk to during a rough time which I wont discuss.

Anyways, that was that........Emma text me a few days later with a simple 'Hey, how are you today? Do you know how I can turn this baby off?'. I replied 'Great thanks, you, and what's the problem?', and that is the basics of that conversation. It was about 5 text messages long.

A few days later, I happened to mention in a meeting at work that Emma had text me regarding an electronic baby programme she was on. ('Baby think it over' programme: The idea is, we give young people electronic babies to take home for a few days and they're programmed to act like real babies (to a degree). There is an off button but we only tell the young people where to find it if it's an emergency). I mentioned that Emma text me and said she was having trouble with her baby so she'd text me to find out where the 'Off' button was. I replied by saying 'Sorry, unless it's an emergency, I can't tell you'. That was it. One of my superiors was really alarmed that I'd text Emma, so I explained that she was now a volunteer and not a young person.

I was quickly alarmed myself to find out that Emma is only a volunteer for another organisation (which owns the LGB group) which meant that to us and our company, she's STILL classed a 'Young person'.

Obviously, I knew then that I'd screwed up, but promised to ignore any further text messages I receive from Emma, which I really intended to do.

I assured my superior that Emma was a smart and bright girl who I trusted and that she wasn't going to be a nuisance.

Later that same day, Emma text me and asked 'Ste, I'm so sorry to ask you this, but could you lend me any money because my Mum's money hasn't gone into her bank and we're all hungry and have no food'.

Straight away, I knew that I hadbeen put into a really uncomfortable situation. Emma's household consists of herself, her mother and 6 brothers and sisters, all under the age of 12.

I didn't know what to reply, so I ignored it for an hour or two. Eventually, I realised that I couldn't leave it, so I made some decisions.

1.I needed to know if this was a genuine issue, so I text her and said 'I'm so sorry, I don't have any money, but I will get some food together for you'. I figured, if all she'd wanted was the money, she'd text back and say that it didn't matter about the food. Her response was important to what my next step would be. As it happens, she replied:

'Oh my god, thank you so much Ste. You don't know what this means to us'.

That was enough to convince me that this was genuine.

2. I would NOT give her money as I have no idea if she'd spend it on food, but I WOULD arrange some food for them with help from my Mum, family and friends.

3. I would meet her in a mutual place as it's not appropriate for her to know where I live.

4. I'd take a witness with me.

So that's what I did. I took my Mum and met Emma in a mutual meeting place and handed her the bags of food. I realised that the bags were too heavy for her, so me and Mum walked her to herdoor and parted ways there. That was it. I knew I'd be in trouble if anyone at work found out, so I decided to keep quiet about it.

Well that plan didn't work out.

A few days later, I decided that I'd best come clean at work as the welfare of those children was now eating away at me. I should've reported the incident IMMEDIATELY as it could've been a social services issue. To be honest, I did consider telling my boss when it was all actually happening but then I thought of what would happen if social services got involved. I had visions of the family getting split up, the kids going into foster care, adoptions..that kinda thing. I also didn't believe that they'd be able to sort them out with food that same day, and none of them had eaten! It was late evening too...no time to arrange anything.

That's why I hesitated to tell them for days, but I soon realised that it was my job to report it, so I did.

I told my boss and key worker. We sat down and had a 2 hour meeting. I could tell that they were very concerned that I'd done wrong, but they didn't come across as angry at all. They talked me through everything that happened in sequence and then they realised it was nothing inappropriate, but still, they have to do what they have to do. So now, after the investigation I'm left with a permanent mark on my record. It's nothing serious (cos if it were, I'd be suspended) but the fact is, it's there, and I hate knowing that!

The most worrying thing to me is, I hesitated because I didn't want to split a family up, but at the end of the day, that could've been a life risking decision. I didn't know the situation. I never stopped to think WHY they had no money and not one bit of food in the house. Had their mother spent all the money on alcohol or gambling? Was the story genuine? Is she a fit mother? Is this a case of child negligence and abuse? I just didn't know, but the fact is, it could've been any number of reasons and all I should've done was report it. I now know that.

I guess I've learned the hard way.

But aside from all of the things that I don't know, I do know this one thing;

Mark or no mark, I slept like a baby that night and so did my conscience.

Shania, it didn't impress me much either!

2008-06-09T22:38:00.000+01:00

Ok, I bet some of you were wondering why I hadn't mentioned this subject yet, but some of you may have known it was coming.

Yes, of course I'm talking about the recent breakup of my musical godess and inspiration, Shania Twain and her husband of 15 years Robert John 'Mutt' Lange.

Happier times: Shania and Mutt wed in '93

Two words........DIRTY DOG!! (or should that be 'dirty Mutt'?)

Although he's denied the accusation, it seems that he had an affair with Shania's best friend, Marie-Anne Thiébaud, the woman who managed her house in Switzerland, which really didn't impress Shania much! So after a melt down, she fled with their 6 year old son to be with family in Canada.

Shania with ex best friend and 'other woman', Marie Anne

I guess it's true, no matter who you are, these crappy things happen in life. I feel so sorry for her though. She and Mutt have always kept their private business behind closed doors. Aside from the press picking up on her not being a blood Ojibwa indian years ago, she's stayed relatively clean - until now! Even when she had a baby, it was very rare that anyone saw any photographs of them together, but I'm seeing and hearing about this everywhere which is like her worst nightmare.

Shania's new album was due out this year, which was again written by Shania and produced by Mutt, but I doubt that she'll release that album now...will she??

Finally, it seems that Shania's extreme reclusive days are over as she's posted this message to all her fans on her websites:

To my beloved fans:

As I am sure you have seen or heard; I am going through a rough time
personally in my life. I wanted you all to know that I could not be
getting through this without you. Your letters, emails and words of
encouragement give me strength. Your overwhelming support reminds me to
smile, no matter how deep the pain and to always be grateful for all the
beautiful blessings in my life.

I have so much to say but I know the best way for me to speak is through my
music. This is my therapy, my passion, and my love. I look forward to
sharing it with all of you as I begin this new journey.

I need some time to heal this broken heart but make no mistake; I will be
back and hopefully stronger than ever.

Thank you my friends, from the bottom of my heart.

Love,
Shania

WOO HOO!!! You can betcha bottom dollar she'll be back.

Sounds like Shania's gonna kick some ass. Watch out Mutt, she's gonna getcha good!!

Shania planning which part of Mutt's body to hit first with this rather large log.

You go girl!!

The other end........

2008-06-08T20:52:00.000+01:00

I completely forgot that I'd got this picture of the same rainbow I posted the other day. This was the other end..Yes, I found both! lol!

Anthony's birthday was 2 days ago. This is the cake I got him..haha!

My recent times in pics!

2008-06-08T17:08:00.000+01:00

Anthony, My cousin Libby and me - Dec 07

Craig and me - May '08

Me at the back with friends on a 'Lads night out'. Craig, Steven, Me, Anthony and Adam - May '08

Me and Amy - April '08

Me at Xmas. I was dared to wear the hat all the way home on the bus..haha!

I took this picture of Ant and his extended family last week at a party. What a great night!

My cousin Libby, me smilin like a cheshire cat, and my good friend Darryl - April '08

More pics on the way! woo hoo! lol!

My first photo entry.

2008-06-01T21:41:00.000+01:00

Donna (Nightmaremom) has inspired to me to wanna try taking some random pictures of things, so here's my first. This was actually taken a year ago at my old house. I looked out of the back window and the view blew me away.

It's not very clear as I've had to enlarge the pic as it was taken on a cell phone, but I loved how I found the end of the rainbow..hehe! Hope you like it.

Tagged!

2008-06-01T21:23:00.000+01:00

Hey all,

I've been tagged by NJlittleBear, so here goes.

8 for 8

Tag !! 8 for 8

Put your IPod or MP3 on shuffle and list the first 8 songs that play.... tag 8 other people to do the same. If you don't have an IPod or MP3 then make stuff up. You might think about moving into the 21st century by getting an IPod or MP3 player of some sort.

1. Thank you baby (for makin' some day come so soon) - Shania Twain

2. I'm gonna getcha good - The string quartet tribute to Shania Twain

3. Just like a pill - Pink

4. My paper heart - The All American Rejects

5. Up! - Shania Twain

6. One Wild Night - Bon Jovi

7. Complicated - Avril Lavigne

8. Voice inside my head - The Dixie Chicks

Tag You're it ....

I swear, I have waaay more people on my ipod than Shania Twain. It's just coincidence that she appears quite a bit in the list..lol!

I tag....

Lyn

Donna

Morgan

Zoe

Indigo

Ally

Cindy

Patricia (My Mum)

Metaphorically speaking........

2008-05-30T23:47:00.000+01:00

There's been a quote suck in my head all week, and I can't shake it. I think it's because it kinda hits the nail right on the head.

'If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there?'

That's it exactly. I have no idea where I'm going. Do any of you know where you're going, or are you just happy to take the ride and find out what's in store when you get there??

Am I speaking too metaphorically?

If I were, I'd probably describe myself as a car on the motorway (freeway). I'm a shiny blue car cruising with all the other shiny cars and we're having a great time. My only sadness is that once in a while, some cars will take the exits and never be seen again, while I just seem to stick in one lane, scared of venturing to an exit. This has been fine for the most part as I love speeding down this road, but now I'm finding birds aiming for my mirrors with their crap and the fumes from the car in front are getting waaay too strong. This road is getting boring. I'm in desperate need of an exit.....but which one to take? Hmmmmmmmm................

But enough of the riddles. Here's how things have been going.

I've become addicted to the 'Desperate Housewives' TV show. I need help..I LOVE that show far too much..lol!

I've been working my ass off and getting myself into situations that I'm not allowed to discuss, so this makes for a really boring entry..lol!

I did find some retail therapy helped a lot though yesterday when I signed for a new contract phone which I LOVE! My old phone had seen much better days. I especially liked it when the phone would actually RING when someone called me!

Now I gotta be strict with myself not to run a £800 bill up. I mean, I couldn't do that could I?! One person running up £800 in one month..surely not! ;-)

How's things with you guys! Much love. xx

A dedication....

2008-05-17T13:59:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone..how's it goin?

Feels like aaages since I posted on here. I've been so busy!

I need to remind people about the voice clips for the 'Perfect day' song. I've had a few back, but am still waiting for many, and so many people were interested, I can't possibly remember all the names..lol! There's one or two that I know about and it's my fault that I haven't done them, namely Jan. Sorry hun..WE WILL get time to do it. Let me know when you're ready..:-) Everyone else, I emailed you your lines..please get them to me as soon as you can. Thanks.

Well it's been a busy few weeks with various stuff, but on Monday and Tuesday, I crammed in 3 courses that I've been taking. One was for sexual health. I can't believe some of the stuff I discovered. Without going too much into detail, did you know that before 2003, it was only considered rape if there had been vaginal penetration? Any other kind of penetration wasn't considered rape and the sentence would be considerably less...How ridiculous is that?! Rape is rape, vaginal or not in my opinion!

We also did work on violent relationships and their mental effect on the victim and those around them, so I recorded a new video yesterday and I'd like to dedicate it to those who do suffer emotional or physical abuse in any way from their partners or any loved ones. Love shouldn't hurt!! This also goes out to my Mum who raised me and my brother pretty much on her own under difficult circumstances. Mothers really do rock! xx

Happy Birthday Mum!!!

2008-04-21T09:53:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday Mum!!

Thanks for being the best Mum and friend anyone could wish for. You do so much for us and ask for so little back, which is a good job really cos I don't get paid until Friday..lol!

Hope you have a great day......Love ya loads!!!

and here's another. Hope it makes you laugh as much as it does me...lol!

Love you!

xxxxxxxxxx

'Calling all J~land' update:

2008-04-14T23:40:00.000+01:00

Hey guys,

Just thought I'd post a little update on 'Perfect day'.

Firstly I wanna say THANK YOU to all of you who have agreed to do this. I've had tons of emails and comments and so far, all's goin well.

Hopefully I haven't missed anyone that's contacted me and I should've sent all of you the backing track and the line you're going to sing, so if you have emailed me and not heard anything from me, please let me know.

Some people have sent in a short video of themselves singing their clip, which I didn't think would work but it does, so if you feel more comfortable doing that, then go ahead but please make sure that you are actually singing TO the backing track because otherwise all the vocals are out of time, and please also try to have the music volume on low so that it can't be heard over the final song, but your vocals can be as loud as you want them to be.

Also, for those who've sent me video, please note that the video wont be used, just the audio from it.

Don't forget, if any of you can't figure out what to do or how to do it, then email me and I'll meet you on msn or some other way so that I can talk you through everything so that you can just record your vocal straight to me.

There, I think that's everything. It's sounding great so far, so please keep your voice clips coming in. The sooner this is finished, the better....cos I can't wait!!

Thanks!

Calling all J~land!!!

2008-04-13T20:10:00.000+01:00

HEAR YE, HEAR YE..ROLL UP, ROLL UP.....ok, I'll stop now..lol!

Please please please consider this!

Right, here's the deal.

I want J-land to get together to record a song!! I know it sounds lame, and I can already hear some of you saying 'No way, I can't and WONT sing', but please think about it. About 10 years ago, the BBC released a song called 'Perfect day', originally sung by Lou Reed I think, but they managed to get together a whole bunch of people to sing each line. You can check this video out below.

I've ALWAYS wanted to re-create that in the same way.

What I'm proposing is that those who can (anyone with a microphone built into their webcams or external mics) record ONE line of the song and send it to me so that I can fuse em all together. I can even meet you on msn messenger while you record a line using the 'speech' button, or any other way.

It doesn't have to sound great and you can even SPEAK the line if you want, as long as it fits into the song on time and is kinda in tune. It doesn't matter what accent or tone or anything. The main reason for doing this is because we're all different,so nothing matters. As far as I know, this has never been done online in this way, so why let's not give it a go?

I know for a fact that the end result will be awesome, and I'll make a video as well as an mp3 recording with a pic of everyone who took part. I'll work on it and release it as part of J~land's birthday.

Anyone up for it?? Please let me know if you're interested and I'll add the music track on here for you to download, or I'll send by email. Remember, you don't have to record the song. You just have to sing one line onto your pc and I'll do the rest.

Please try to let anyone who might be interested know about this. Thanks a lot.

Thanks!

UPDATE: Please see next entry update at the following link.

http://journals.aol.co.uk/steviemoore83/the-new-life-of-stevie/entries/2008/04/14/calling-all-jland-update/1332

What for?!

2008-04-12T23:17:00.000+01:00

"Quoting someone else is soo unoriginal"

Howdy!

Before I start, lemme just say that you'd better not look at this page if you suffer with Arachnophobia, ok?

Ok are you gone yet?? Ok, good!

I really hate this time of month when my wages are gone and I'm awaiting next pay day (25th). Ok, it's not so long, but it's like a friggin nightmare. Having to borrow for bus fare and stuff. It drives me insane!

I work every day except Thursdays (Twice on Wednesdays) and this week I've worked on my day off, twice on Friday and once today. I've just found out that I wont be getting paid for Thursday, the extra shift on Friday OR today (I wont go into the reasons). I guess you could say I'm not happy about it. lol!

Ok, let me just get this outta my system, then I'll be cool.

Last week we were short of staff for a wedneday night youth club session. I was told that a level 2 worker was coming in to work with us. We need a level 2 worker at ALL times (I'm only level 1 for now). I was fine with that, but then I found out that this level 2 worker wasn't going to arrive until 7. 7 is what time the club opens, and so much stuff has to be done to prepare beforehand, so I went in on my own and set everything up 2 hours before I was due to be there, and why?! I get such shit pay compared to level 2 workers! She knew what time we have to be ready for...grrr!! And last night, I went to my special needs group as I do every friday, just to find out that they'd basically left me in charge to do everything (because the usual staff were ill, away, doing a football event and doing a dance event), but supplied me with a level 2 worker who gets paid waaay more than me but did sod all! This is making no sense. I'm doing all the work that's expected from a level 2 worker, but getting crap pay for it. Their only excuse is 'You aren't trained properly yet'. Ya coulda fooled me! lol! Not being properly trained isn't stopping you from leaving me in charge when it's convenient now is it?! I'm waiting for my training desperately to become a level 2 worker, but there's a queue which means I could be waiting for a long time so in the mean time, I have to do the work and get bugger all...sod's law! I'm sure we've all felt like this at times, but god it infuriates me!!

Right, now that I got that out of the way, I wanna talk bout some other stuff.

Do you ever wonder what people really think of you? I mean, REALLY think about it and try to see it from their point of view? I guess I'm talking about someone in particular in your life that, no matter what, you always clam up in front of or trip over your own tongue, say the wrong thing, blow an accidental snot bubble in front of on a cold day, try to hide it and wipe it before it's seen, but end up smearing it all over your face in the process, and then worry about it for days after?? I'm going through this at the moment and I have no idea why. When the person is around me, I suddenly feel inadequate with anything and it's driving me crazy. This person's not even trying to make me feel like that in any way. In fact, if they knew how they were making me feel, I know they'd be very upset about it, which is why I'm pulling my hair out here..lol! What's going on?!

So much confusion!!

Oh man, check out this picture. Someone apparently found this in their home..I woulda died RIGHT THERE!

Can you imagine coming home to THAT?! Jeeeeeeeez!

Is there anything I can get involved with in J~Land? Any community stuff going on that I don't know about? I'd love to take part in something..need to keep me brain goin..hehe!

Song of the Day - Click link to download

09 - What For.mp3

'Move Along'

2008-04-12T18:24:00.000+01:00

Had a sing today..woo hoo! Other stuff happened too, but I'll fill ya in later. Hope you're all good!

R.I.P Larry

2008-04-09T03:21:00.000+01:00

I had no idea about this story until I stumbled upon it today. I can't say anything more than what Ellen said, but jeez, will this world ever grow up and change?!

Way to go Ellen!

R.I.P LARRY...xx

The diary of a youth worker....

2008-04-08T03:45:00.000+01:00

I had the weirdest dream last night.....

I was wandering around the streets of New York at night on my own. I should've been scared, but I wasn't. I was looking for Grand Central Station. That's all I kept saying when I saw anyone. 'Excuse me, can you tell me the way to Grand Central Station?'. Bizzare....what's at Grand Central Station? lol!

Come to think of it, I've been having some seriously weird dreams lately, including being chased by dinosaurs, and also wild gun men after me. I'm seeing a connection here - Being persued,(great mental health skills there...lol!) but then that doesn't fit with the NY dream. WTH....who knows!!

Hey everyone. Did ya miss me? hehe! I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I updated! And don't worry Lyn, you wont be needing to print those pictures of me on milk cartons....;-)

What's been happening..Hmm, lemme think....OOH, the residential trip to the Lake District went very well. I could've stayed there for another 2 weeks, it was awesome! I got loads of pics but obviously, I can't put them up cos they include pics of the teenagers that I work with, but they're good pics, so just know that. I never thought I'd be going on an assault course, raft building, canoe racing, climbing...etc. It was liberating! I'm getting a taste for the wild outdoors, and no, not in a sexual way Donna...HAHA!! (Love ya)

On Thursday I went to Nottingham to do a photo shoot with another bunch of teens who are advertising their 'Fun day' which takes place next week. It's a project to better the streets of the area that they live in. There's so much more involved but it's a long story and I don't wanna write it all out, but it's all great stuff. lol!

In an earlier entry, I wrote about someone at work who I'd had an argument with. Just wanna say that it all got sorted and both me and her apologised and she had a great last week before retiring. We all bought her a watch and some other goodies. It was nice. I felt bad about arguing back with her when she started (with it being so close to her retirement) but I sure as hell wasn't gonna let her talk to me like shite just 'cos she was leaving, but yeah like I say, it got sorted.

I'm a bit troubled lately with how the teenagers in the 5 groups I work with perceive me. I mean, this should be a good thing, but I'm not so sure. They call me their 'Favourite' youth worker, but the reasons why trouble me. I think it's because I'm not as strict as I could be at times, which in turn makes the other workers look bad when they toughen up on them. It's kinda like 'Good cop, bad cop', and I'm always good cop, but without the other workers even knowing it, so that's definitely something I'm trying to put right. I never realised that giving them a little slack would make the other workers look bad. It's common sense really, but who knew? lol!

Hope to add another entry soon. Hope you're all well. Miss ya's!

xxxxxx

Song of the day - 'Santeria' by Sublime.

Tags: Sublime, Santeria

Ve-he-ment?!

2008-03-14T02:39:00.000Z

RANDOM POST ALERT!!!

Ok, one word:.........'Vehement'.

One question:..........Why have I NEVER come across this word before in my entire life!?

I hate when this happens!

Was it neccessary to post this in my journal? I was vehement about it!

Journal time!

2008-03-10T03:13:00.000Z

Gooooooood morning campers!

Hope you're all well out there. Just thought I'd add an entry to my journal as the computer game I've been playing religiously for a week has decided that it will shut itself off whenever it reaches a certain part of the game. There's nothing I can do, and all the work I've done on there has been for nothing..grrrrrr!!

Nothing much has been happening lately. Well actually, that's a lie cos loads has been happening.

We all survived the earthquake (haha!) but god that was scary for us as we've never really felt one before.

Only one injured, and that was because his chimney fell through the roof and landed on his back. That musta hurt! Can you imagine how it must feel to know that out of all England, you were the only person hurt?! Poor guy!

Work's going well. I've got so many projects going on all over the place. Sometimes I forget which project I'm working on for who!

I had a big argument with a member of staff on Friday night. She's been there for 30 odd years and retires in 2 weeks and up until now has been lovely to work with, but on Friday, she decided to be in a mood and talk to me like crap in front of everyone. I felt like such an idiot. All the youths heard, and these are young people that already have enough tension at home, so I thought it very unprofessional of her to start on me in front of them like that. There were other people stood there too. Other staff, parents, and some old staff members who worked there for years a long time ago, who were just coming back to see how everyone was doing. I was mortified so ended up pulling her to one side. She then ran to the office to yell at another member of staff, so Ifollowed her, still arguing. She barged into the office, all guns blazing. What she didn't know was, the boss was also sat in there and witnessed the whole thing. OOPS! This week's gonna be strange at work no doubt!

It's gonna be an interesting few weeks as I have a 2 day course about homophobia coming up, and a residential trip to the lake district for 3 days. There will be me and 3 other staff (we still need to get the 4th member) and 20 youths. I've never been on a residential like this before so I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm sure it'll be a good time.

Anyways, I'm rambling about work far too much, so I'll love ya and leave ya.

Now, let me figure out why this game is going all screwy on me! Grrr!

xxx

'Easy Silence'

2008-03-05T03:11:00.000Z

Recorded a new video the other day. I haven't done one for ages, so just thought I'd post it here.

Tags: Easy Silence, Dixie Chicks

Happy Mothers Day Mum!

2008-03-02T14:49:00.000Z

There is no love, like a mother's love,
no stronger bond on earth...
like the precious bond that comes from God,
to a mother, when she gives birth.

A mother's love is forever strong,
never changing for all time...
and when her children need her most,
a mother's love will shine.

God bless these special mothers,
God bless them every one...
for all the tears and heartache,
and for the special work they've done.

When her days on earth are over,
a mother's love lives on...
through many generations,
with God's blessings on each one.

Be thankful for our mothers,
for they love with a higher love...
from the power God has given,
and the strength from up above.

Love ya Mum

xxxxx

EARTHQUAKE!

2008-02-27T01:07:00.000Z

We've just in the last 5 minutes had an earthquake!! That NEVER happens here, and most of the UK is shaken up cos we've never felt them before.

EDIT

The original news report I'd put here is an old report. A friend sent it to me and I put it on here without reading it first. I did wonder how they managed to report it so quickly!

New report.

Earth tremor felt across England

People from across large parts of England have reported an earth tremor.

The BBC has received calls from people in Staffordshire, Warwickshire, Leicestershire, Manchester, Berkshire and the West Midlands about a "quake".

The tremor could be felt in central Birmingham at about 0100 GMT but it is unclear if it has caused any damage.

The West Midlands was hit by an earthquake in 2002 in the Dudley area that reached 5.0 on the Richter scale and caused damage to homes.

Wow, I feel sorry for those who get those all the time, and more severe. That was scary!

Also just found out that California had an earthquake moments before we did?

Bridgend suicide hits 17!

2008-02-19T14:32:00.000Z

I've just read the news that another teenager in Bridgend, Wales has committed suicide today. I can't believe it. That makes it the 17th suicide in just a few months. There were two more suicides last week too, both cousins.

Something strange is definitely happening in Bridgend. 17 suicides in any one place in such a short space of time is bizarre, but in a town as small as Bridgend is unheard of! Apparently, the police are saying there's no links, but surely there must be something. There's been talk of a suicide cult stemming from Bebo.com but nobody's certain.

Those poor families who are affected down there. I'm dreading reading the paper tomorrow incase there's another. It seems to be a very common occurrence lately.

A quick funny!

2008-02-12T16:47:00.000Z

Just had to share this short clip. It's had me howling today..lol!

Work, training and other suff...

2008-02-10T17:00:00.000Z

It's 4:30pm and I've just had my first cigarette of the day. That's quite good for me. I usually have one as soon as I wake up! Then again, I didn't wake up till 2pm as I was up all night watching tv. I had nothing to get up early for today, so I figured why not? I usually like waking up really early to cram in as much as I can, but with no money until the 25th and nothing to do today, I figured I could just have a lazy day.

I hardly write in here anymore and I don't know why. I just don't seem to want to write much lately.

Work's going well and keeping me really busy. I can't believe how in control I've become of some things. The responsibilities that are put on me in my new job have shocked me. Sometimes I wonder if they realise that I'm not an actual qualified youth worker (yet). A few weeks ago, I passed my child protection training and earned my first certificate which was quite weird. I haven't received any certificates in that way since I was a kid at school. The actual course was harrowing in some parts. The things I saw and learned regarding cruelty to children was distressing, particularly one story which touched me deeply.

Some of the staff at work couldn't understand why I was so proud of the achievement, but they don't realise what it signifies to me. It doesn't just signify that I've trained and passed in something. It signifies a change of life style for me. I'm finally finishing things that I start and seeing things through. I'm finally seeing results of something which I'm doing that means a lot to me, and that's a new feeling for me. I love it!

My next course starts in May and that's my sexual health training. After that, I'm moving on to more psychological subjects, which I'm really excited about!

On to home life, I'm still at Mum's in my old bedroom. I'm still living around boxes that I can't unpack from my old house. There just isn't any room in here. Me and Ant are looking for our own place, but it's VERY difficult to get anything with the council. We were looking to private rent, but the prices are just too high for us. Even £400 a month is high for us, and that was for a 2 bedroom bungalow! lol!

I've made peace with my brother. He actually apologised to me, and that meant a lot, so to hell with it. I don't have the strength or time to hold a grudge anymore.

A few days ago, I got a message on my 'youtube' account from a song producer. He told me he'd been watching my vids for a while now and has written a song for me! He's sent me the instrumental track already and it's beautiful. Now I just have to record it. I can't wait! He has a few songs that he's written, and he wants to use me as the vocalist and then he's gonna promote the songs in various ways. He's actually promoting his songs, but I'll get promoted along the way too. Sounds like a great deal to me, and if nothing else, it's a lot of fun!! I'm so flattered that he wants to use me!!

Ooh, first official trailer for Star Trek XI is out now. Click here. Go see it...looks awesome! Boxing Day 2008.....you know where I'm gonna be! lol!

Anyways, I'm waffling on here so I'll wrap it up. Hope you're all ok!

Alien contact (Hilarious)

2008-02-07T23:05:00.000Z

I'd just like to share this video which has been making me laugh for years!!

For those in America, this was a tv show called 'Beadle's about'. The presenter (Jeremy Beadle) would set up unsuspecting members of the public every week, like 'Candid Camera' I guess. This particular clip is my favourite clip ever! This youtube vid is very shortened down from the original, but you can click on the link at the bottom of the page to see the full version.

R.I.P Jeremy Beadle!

Enjoy!!

FULL VERSION - Hilarious!

Tags: Jeremy Beadle, Alien prank, Beadle's about

I've been tagged!

2008-02-07T22:45:00.000Z

Hey. It seems like forever since I posted, and so much (good stuff) has been happening that I wouldn't know where to start, so I'll do this for now.

Lyn from 'Brits Blog' has tagged me to do this. Thanks hun!

So, here's what you do. You list nine things about yourself that people might think are somewhat odd and then you tag 3 people to do the same. Here's mine.

1. This one's quite crude, but honest. No matter where I am, even at home, I HAVE to line the toilet seat with toilet paper before I sit down on it. I started doing this for a reason (I wont go there) but it's turned into a habit now..lol!

2. I have to pluck my eyebrows constantly as they were once shaved while I was drunk and they've never grown back properly since.

3. I have trouble with throwing things away, which explains why I have so much crap!

4. When walking through town alone, I pretend to be talking on my phone (or actually make a call) as I approach market researchers so that they don't approach me with questionnaires..lol!

5. I'm always late for things, even if I'm ready hours in advance. The only job I haven't been late for ONCE is the job I'm in now.

6. As a kid, I used to shout down the sewers to talk to the 'Ninja Turtles'...lol!

7. I have an odd fascination with 1950's America! The look, the feel, the music...I love it!

8. Although I love my friends, I've become the happiest when I'm alone with my thoughts.

9. I wear a watch that's stopped working. Without it, I feel naked!

Wow, that was quite difficult. Some of the answers were lame, but it's hard to analyse yourself and point out what others may class as 'Odd'..lol!

I tag:

Donna

Morgan

Indidgo

First glimpse of new Star trek movie!

2008-01-17T22:06:00.000Z

Oh yeaaaah!!!!

Tags: Star Trek XI, Star Trek 11, U.S.S. Enterprise

Birdy warning?

2008-01-17T02:01:00.000Z

Ok....it's 2am, I'm exhausted and the birds are singing outside as if it's 7am. They never sing here at this time of night.

What the hell's goin on?

Am I in some kind of alternate reality??

A positive 2008!

2008-01-08T05:46:00.000Z

Happy new year folks!!!!!!!

Ok, sorry it's late. I haven't had a chance to update for a while since Christmas, but it's only because I couldn't move 'cos of all the junk food I've been stuffing down me lately!!

I need to talk........lol!

What a weird Christmas it was this year. It started to feel like Christmas for me on Christmas Eve, but Christmas day just felt....strange!! Probably hormones or somethin...lol!

It was my first day back at work after the holidays today. It was good to get back to it to be honest. I was bored out of my brains for 3 weeks..lol!

I got some bad news today. A fax came through for me at work from our main offices in town. It was to let me know that YET AGAIN, they've screwed up my paper work and that meant that I wasn't going to get paid until the end of February!!! Please keep in mind that they didn't pay me at Xmas either, so I've had NOTHING at all financially since October, as I left Tesco and had to do a month youth working as a volunteer. Once the first of December arrived, I counted down the days until pay day, just to find out that I couldn't have my owed money! The boss gave me £200 but that soon vanished with Xmas. Now I've been counting the days down until the 25th January for next pay day, just for them to try and do me over again. Apparently, today was the final day of payment processing, and as they 'hadn't received' my details, they couldn't pay me. My manager was FURIOUS when I told her earlier, because she was the one that took my payment details into the main offices and delivered them BY HAND to the person in charge. I called them from work to explain this, but they basically called my boss a liar. That didn't sit very well with her, I can tell ya! She quickly took my bank details AGAIN and sent them by fax, with a strongly worded covering sheet, and then she called the place to confirm that they'd received it. Then she double confirmed and then said 'Are you SURE this time?!'..lol! God I love that woman!! Now I'm just terrified incase anything goes wrong this time, because I NEED money. I'm surviving by borrowing and lending. I can't even go for a pint with my friends.....infact, I can't even afford a bus ticket anymore! I can't remember the last time I had a good amount of money! :-(

Oh well, there's always people in far worse shit than me out there!

I've also been given another shift now, so now that I'm doing 4 shifts a week, they're gonna send me to college to study everything and work my way up! I can't wait..I'm so excited!

Here's my weekly plan:

Tuesday night: 'Detached' session - which means I patrol the streets with other workers to find gangs of youths, make sure they're behaving, let them know what our centre can offer them, get ideas for day trips..etc...(although it can be dangerous when they throw fireworks at us!)

Wednesday night: 'Centre based' - Youth Group night - Food, Drinks, TV, Computers, Karaoke machine, DJ workshop, sexual health for 50 odd loud and obnoxious teenagers.....you name it, we do it! It's mental, absolutely mental, but I love it!

Friday night: 'Double O' group - Special needs - Such a lovely and big hearted bunch of people!

Now today I've been given Mondays as well, which will also be a 'Detached' shift, but I'll be in an area that I don't know, with staff that I've never met, but that's why I love the idea so much!

My boss is setting up a recording / music / singing session soon, and as soon as that starts, she's pulling from a detached shift and putting me in charge of it! I can't WAIT for that!!

Ok, enough about work!

I received an email from the studio the other day telling me that they're ready and waiting for me to carry on with my recordings, so I'm gonna get that done too!

I'm so glad that I haven't got access to my old journal anymore. I think I'd be depressed looking back at how I used to be. Stuck in the house suffering constant panic attacks. God, how did I ever get that low I wonder?!

I lost many readers during that time because they simply got tired of hearing about how bad things were. One friend even told me that he stopped reading because it 'depressed' him so much, which I can understand. Oh well.....it's done now!

I got recognised in town on Christmas Eve by a lovely guy who reads my journal! I was in a shop, and suddenly heard someone shout 'Steve??'. I stared at the poor guy like he was an alien for a moment as I tried to remember who he was, but he explained, and then we ended up talking for a good 15/20 minutes in the middle of the shop..lol! HI RICHARD!!!! Happy new year! ;-)

Any of you seen the new 'Hairspray'?? OMG, I've fallen in love with the film and it's soundtrack big time! I can't stop listening to them.....infact, I'm gonna add a video of ONE of my favourite songs from the movie. PLEASE watch how awesome this film is. The video is edited to fit on youtube, but the song isn't.

I've practised and practised that song, and now I can just about do it without passing out after the first chorus..lol!

I've had a change of look for the new year too, with a mixed result, but I don't care. I FEEL much better, and that's why I did it.

The hair had to go!!! I call it my 'Britney' look!! lol!

Apologies for the shamelessly posing nature of my pics...lol!

Ok well, I think I'd better bugger off now, but HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all, and sorry for the long rant. I just REALLY needed to talk! Ciao for now!

xxxxxx

Tags: Hairspray, Gay, Britney Spears, Work

'Fainting Goat'

2007-12-28T00:26:00.000Z

'Twas the night before Christmas......

2007-12-24T23:24:00.000Z

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

It's late here, so I'm gonna jump in bed and make myself sleep. Well, otherwise Santa wont show up!

Hope you're all having, or have had a good Christmas Eve!

'Home'

2007-12-23T10:00:00.000Z

Good morning J~Landians! How ya doin?

Shopping

I'm just about to start day 3 of my last minute Christmas shopping. It's been a hectic couple of days since I got paid. I haven't stopped!

Only problem is, work have screwed up my wages, so I didn't get paid as much as I thought. My boss has had to sub me £200, which I'm grateful for but it's rubbish considering that it's Christmas and I've only just made a start on present buying. Grrr! It's screwed up a lot of my plans and I can't get half of what I intended, so I'm just having to prioritise! I don't get paid again until the end of January either, so it's gonna be a really tight month now.

Things have been good lately. This job has been so good for me, and I'm so thankful that I have it (despite them not paying me..lol!).

I'm feeling really festive now as Xmas draws closer. It's Christmas Eve-Eve..woo hoo!!

Work

I'm not back at work until the 8th so I'm enjoying the time out, even though I'm easily getting bored...:-( My return to work will be interesting as 40 of the teenagers found out that I was gay last Wednesday. Well they didn't find out, they just kinda guessed after one of them saw me walking with Ant down town the other day. I've been dreading them guessing because it creates all kinds of awkward situations. They were questioning me about everything, but I just had to keep avoiding the subject, which can be difficult when they're all asking you at once. 'Are you gay? It's ok if you are, I have gay friends..come on, are you gay...JUST TELL US!!!', to which I reply 'Would it matter if I were? I have gay friends. Is this an issue? What are you getting for Christmas? I give that kinda response..lol!

A 'Guest'

I was sat at my desk in my bedroom earlier this week, when I suddenly heard strange noises at my feet. It was like a rustly, crinkly kinda noise. I ignored it at first but the noise got louder and I had to check it out. Imagine my surprise when I looked behind my desk to find the smallest MOUSE I've ever seen! We've NEVER had mice before, and I can't figure out why we have them now, although thinking about it, I would've expected them sooner as we live out next to large fields and the countryside.

I don't believe in mouse traps, so me and Mum spent ages trying to catch it. I was fooled by his size, because he's a clever little swine! After 2 hours of trying to catch it in a large shoe box, he suddenly vanished! I have no idea where he went because we followed him into a corner and could see him all of the time. I took my eyes off him for a SPLIT second, and when I looked back, he'd gone. I heard him tapping on my floor boards behind me 2 seconds afterwards, but god knows where it was coming from. He really did one over on me! Two nights ago, I came home absolutely exhausted from a days shopping. I took my clothes off, sat on my bed and just stared into space. I was sooo tired. Just I was going to lay down, the mouse (who I call 'Kevin' after the Home Alone character) popped out from under a set of my drawers and just froze and looked up at me. I looked at him and for a split second and thought about trying to catch him, but I was so tired. Instead, I said 'Kevin, you can do what you want tonight. I don't care, just don't invade my personal space!'...lol! With that, he toddled off under the drawers again. I can't help but laugh..lol!

Spooks?

In my room, I have my karaoke system sat on one of my huge P.A speakers up against my wall. Together, it's really heavy. Lately, it's mostly been used as somewhere to put things on top of, usually paper and a Christmas present from one of the teens at work. I came home yesterday to find that it had moved and the Christmas present was on the floor! It was a good 30 inches away from it's usual position and kinda horizontal. It looks like someone's grabbed the left corner of it and pulled it out. I shouted Mum to ask if she'd moved it for any reason, and she assured me that she hadn't, so I placed it back in it's usual position and thought little more about it. NOW I've woke up this morning and gone about my business for a couple of hours, but then I noticed that it's moved AGAIN, in the EXACT same way, although the papers and present were still on top of it. I'm not saying that I need to call a priest, but I just can't figure this out. It's too large and heavy for a cat (OR MOUSE..hee hee!) to move, and it's never moved before with any kind of vibrations or anything. I'm just stumped! I'll keep you posted.

Song

Well I've been at it again and recorded another song. I love this song but everyone seems to have done a different version of it, so I tried to just do it my way, but I think it went in the direction of the original singer. Hope ya like it.

Right click and 'Save as': Click here to download

Anyways, I must make a move, so catch you all later.

Merry Christmas!! xxxxx

'White Christmas'

2007-12-16T00:49:00.000Z

Well, it's that time again!

You know us, we can't NOT do a song for Christmas, so here's one that we recorded today. Hope you all like it. It's nothing mega. Just a nice chilled out version.

Click the picture below to download.

Merry Christmas!

Look who's talking WOW!!

2007-12-12T02:50:00.000Z

Hey peeps,

Happy Xmas and a Merry NEW YEAR, or...err...something like that!

I'm in a festive mood tonight. I've been watching my fave childhood xmas films and I'm amazed at how many great things I'd forgotten. It just shows you what growing up does to ya and how quickly time goes by!

For instance, one of my favourite films at Christmas when I was a kid was 'Look who's talking now', with the talking dogs and hilarious family.

I was checking for clips on youtube, and I came across this video from the film. I used to LOVE this song....Guaranteed to be loved by small kids at Xmas..I still love it..*boogies* haha!

Link < A MUST SEE!!

Also, I can't believe how much those two kids in that film have changed. Check this out:

This is Mikey from the film, as he is now!

I'm in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrvveee...lol! Donna, I bet you KNEW I was gonna say that as soon as you saw his pic didn't you!! lol!

Don't worry though, he's the same age as me..lol!

And look at little Julie now.......

She only gets one pic cos I'm not in love with her, but check out this 16 second clip of them in the film. It's hilarious.....she's sooo funny!..lol!

I mean, when did all this time go by?!!? Did we all change at the same time as them?? lol!

Anyways, back soon...just wanted to share that tonight, for someone unknown reason..*scratches head*

Tags: Look who's talking now, David Gallagher,

Saturday night

2007-11-27T22:12:00.000Z

T'has been quite a rough weekend for moi. All week, I'd been feeling slightly off. A little dizzy here, a minor headache there. I just put it down as a cold or something. But you know what it's like when a man gets a cold....IT'S SERIOUS!

Saturday night, I felt so rough, I got into bed at 10pm. That's about 8 hours too early for me usually (lol!). I woke at 2:35am, dripping wet and red hot. My temperature was flashing at the 'OMG, you're burning up' mark and worst of all, I really needed to pee, so I stood up, but soon found myself back on my ass with dizzyness, so I woke Anthony and asked him to help me to the loo, to which he kindly obliged.

While I was stood there (taking a pee....sorry to be so graphic) I suddenly felt really faint. I panicked....'I need to finish my pee but I need to lay down..oh god!' I tensed and stressed and urged and cursed. Finally, I'd finished, so I started running toward the bedroom door to lay down quickly. I couldn't even tell Ant why I was running, I just had to do it as fast as possible. I reached for the door and pushed the handle down............

Next thing I know, I'm laying on the floor, dripping with sweat with a pillow under my head. There's blood on my fingers and pillow and I have no idea who I am, where I am, or who the two people around me were. My memory came back quick and the first thing I did (from past experience) was check my teeth with my tongue. '1, 2, 3, 4.....Ok, they're fine at that side....what about the other?...1,2,3,4......'

I couldn't talk or open my eyes, but I could hear Ant and Mum chatting round me. I'd hit my head against the corner of the cabinet as I passed out and knocked myself out..lol! When I faint, I'm only usually out for about 10 seconds, but Mum and Ant say I was out for at least a minute this time. It's bizarre!

I stayed in hospital all of Saturday night while they did blood tests, urine tests, x rays, poking tests, rubbing tests, tickle tests.....everything..lol! They don't know what's up with me, although they found a higher than normal amount of white blood cells in me, but they dunno why. That's seems to be it with hospitals...'You're ill, we don't know why...cya'...lol!

It was quite dramatic and upsetting in there though. The Northern General Hospital is scary on a Saturday night! In the bed across from me, there was a guy who'd tried to commit suicide because he has a brain tumour. That was awful to hear. I wasn't being nosie, but it was hard not to hear the conversation as it was so close. In the bed next to him was another suicide victim who refused to tell the doctors what he'd had, and how many, and then in the end bed was an ex co-worker of mine from Tesco who was having drunken epileptic fits. I know the guy quite well but never knew he had those fits!

I feel much better now, although my head is really sore and cut from the fall and my throat is killing. Anyone else suffering from similar out there? I think there's a nasty bug goin round! Don't let it floor you!

xxx

Now THIS is talent!

2007-11-26T14:12:00.000Z

An amazing group singing one of my favourite songs, using only their vocals as instruments!

Everyone's story...

2007-11-22T00:56:00.000Z

This is a story about four people named everybody,somebody,anybody and nobody.
There was an important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it.

everybody was sure that somebody would do it, anybody could have done it, but nobody did it.

somebody got angry about this because it was everybody's job.everybody thought anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody would not do it.

It ended up that everybody blamed somebody, when actually nobody accused anybody.

;-)

Christmas has come early!

2007-11-18T16:17:00.000Z

Hellooo folks!

Apologies for my last entry. I should've calmed down waaay before I wrote anything, although I meant everything I said, I have to remember to keep it cool here. I'm gonna delete the entry cos I don't wanna have to keep seeing that entry and that picture, but thanks for your supportive comments. *hugs*. About the entry, I just have to correct something. With what I said, I implyed that Adam had taken the picture and sent it directly to me, but I found out that Adrian actually took the pic, not knowing there was anything wrong with it, so he sent it me a joke. He thought it looked like a crashed alien or something, so I just thought I'd say, Adam didn't send it me. There, all done!

Well, with all the happenings lately, I decided to pick myself up and start celebrating christmas early this year. I'm already listening to Xmas tunes and I love it. For anyone who has it, I've also trimmed up my myspace page, so pop over if you have time and if you can stand listening to Christmas classics (Darlene Love, I LOVE YOU!!)

On Friday night (before the incident) we took the special needs group shopping to Meadowhall and had such a great time. I intended to write about this that day, but obviously, other things got in the way. We all had our own groups to look after, so I made sure that my group had fun. One of my youths managed to shake hands with 'Pudsey the bear' (from Children in need) and he was over the moon. It was lovely to see. One of the other lads wouldn't walk anywhere unless he had his arm draped over mine, which I thought was amazing cos this guy's really quiet and stand off-ish! I was seriously choked up the whole time. We all went for a meal in the 'Oasis' section of Meadowhall and were treat to a few stage shows. One was an 11 year old girl who had a fantastic voice and the confidence of a wrestler, and the other act was 'Future Proof', a boyband who recently got booted from 'The X factor'. Considering they're all really cute, I enjoyed that part A LOT!!

T'was a great day and I can't wait for more to come.

I'm gonna go and get ready 'cos I'm going up to Hannah's house later on, so I'll catch ya all later and hope you're all well!

Thanks to Donna for this lovely pic!! xxx