The cutest thing ever!

 

This is so cute, and the performance afterward is brilliant and live!

Check out those little girls....how cool are they?!

 

            

 

~Madeleine McCann~

 

 

   

 

I don't know what to say here really. We all feel the same about the future of this little girl, missing for 17 days now. As everyone else, I hope she's found safe and well and returned to her parents very soon. That would be amazing!!

I apologise if the following offends anyone as I KNOW how insensitive it seems to the parents of this child, but I have to say it.

Even though I can't stop thinking about the torture the parents must be going through, I can't help but wonder why the HELL they went out and left the door to their holiday apartment OPEN, leaving 3 small children in bed!

I'm not trying to say that they asked for this to happen, but c'mon, really, which parent in their right mind would go out drinking and leave their 3 small children in an apartment room which is unlocked, and abroad?! I'm completely baffled!

WHEN Madeleine returns to them, they might want to consider staying at home with their kids, OR at least locking the bloody door!

 

BE SAFE MADELEINE, GOD BLESS!!

 

 

Tags: Madeleine McCann, Missing child, banner

I'll be ok!

What a week it's been here, full of arguments, tantrums, big decisions and full blown annoyingness!

 

I'm not gonna go into detail, but it's been like world war 3 here and I'm not sure where I live anymore. I seem to be living out of bags, and have been for ages now. Me and Anthony are still doing well and planning on moving into a flat asap, but until then, I'm kinda drifting from place to place. Mum hasn't kicked me out or anything AND I STRESS THAT, but for reasons I wont discuss, I'm finding it very difficult to stay here. Things are just up in the air right now. I miss Mum, I miss my cat, and I miss my freedom. Okay, I do have freedom, but it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes. I'm at Mum's now and probably for the next couple of days, but after that, who knows?!

 

I know I've said this before, but I find it hard talking about this stuff, but that's what's happening in my life right now, and that's what I have to write about.

 

Besides all of this, I'm looking VERY forward to next Friday as I have an appointment with my support worker to help me back into work. He's amazed that after 2 years, I've approached him for help to get me back to work. Usually, they were chasing me to give me help..lol! As I WANT to start back at work and end the money that I get from the government, I get a lump sum of money to help me, plus £40 a week on top of my wages, and maybe even working tax credit. It's all looking bright! I don't care what job I do at the moment either, so it's all good. Aside from this, I've been looking into voluntary work lately, and this job is REALLY nagging at me.

 

 

 

'Appropriate adults support young people and vulnerable adults detained in police custody. Full accredited training given and out of pocket expenses re-imbursed.'

 

 

 

Obviously, I wont get paid for that, but it's niggling away at me and I'm not sure why. I'd LOVE a job like that though. I may not seem the type, but I love a challenge! hehe! I'll letcha know how it goes.

 

What's with all the changes to journals lately too? This all looks very strange and new..lol!

 

I have to go through all the comments and links to add them to my sidebar section, and I also have to get everyone back on alerts 'cos I'm missing you all..hehe! Obviously, my time online isn't as much as it used to be, but I'm seeing that as maybe a good thing. I do miss singing a lot though. Maybe I'll get back to that sometime.

 

Until then, PLEASE watch this video and listen to this song. It's SO GOOD for cheering you up on a bad day. I first heard it this morning, and it seemed to be singing about my life as it is at the moment. I'm stunned..lol! (Also, as a point of interest, this band (Mcfly) have contacted me via youtube in the past and they like my videos. AWESOME! hehe!)

 

 

             

 

When everything is going wrong
And things are just a little strange
Its been so long now you’ve forgotten how to smile
And overhead the skies are clear but it still seems to rain on you
And your only friends all have better things to do

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok

When things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone there’s no one to share the pain
You’re sleeping with the tv on and you’re lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world would never help me through it again

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok

You’re not alone
[You’re not alone]
You’re not alone
[You’re not alone]
You’re not alone

Just tell yourself I’ll, I'll be ok
Oh just tell yourself, I’ll, I'll be ok
Won’t you tell yourself, I’ll be ok

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
And oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok
I’ll, I'll be ok
I’ll, I'll be ok

 

 

Hope you're all well, and hopefully catch ya allsoon!

 

Lv Ste

xxx

 

 

Breaking from the 'Norm'...

 

Ok, so I've seen a few weird things listed on Ebay in my time, so I thought it was time to add something strange of my own...LOL!

Please click HERE to see how low I've stooped...lol!

 

Well ya never know! People will buy anything these days! lol!

 

Hope everyone's well out there. It's only a short entry tonight, but I have to fill out a 'Meme' thingy as Lyn tagged me. I'll get ya back someday Lyn! lol!

 

Lv Ste

x

8th May, 2007

Entry 3

 

 

 

Hey everyone!

 

Just thought I'd let you all know how our 'first date' went. It was BRILLIANT!!

 

We met up at Ant's parents place (where he's living for a while) and we played on the computer for a while, which was weird cos I haven't played the old 'Mega Drive' system for years! That was fun! Then I played on a hand held device known as a 'Bop it'!  Do you know what they are?  If not, they're highly addictive and I got the highest score that the machine had ever got. It was only 137 points, but it was still the highest it had ever got..lol! (I'm noting my score in here as Ant's brother's now in direct competition to beat me, so this is just to remind myself...137!..Read it and weep Craigy boy!!)..lol!

 

 

 

 

                           

 

'Bopit'

 

 

 

Anyways, I did something which was strange for me today. I held Anthony's hand in public as we walked down the street in town, and I even kissed him in front of everyone. Ok, this might be a common thing world wide now, but we've never done it before, and that used to really upset him and I didn't realise how much! Basically, I've never been a big fan of public displays of affection anyway, even when I had a girlfriend as a teen, but showing it in a gay relationship was terrifying to me. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ashamed of Anthony and I'm not ashamed of being gay, cos if someone asked me in the street, I'd just tell the truth and say 'Yes I'm gay, and?', but I was always a believer of not 'rubbing it in people's faces'. I guess I think that if the wrong crowd sees us and doesn't like it, I'd rather not have to fight my way out of something, or see Anthony get into a scrap with these people either, so it just seemed easier to NOT do it, but I have to admit, I felt a great sense of freedom today as I kissed him as we waited on a crowded platform for a tram to the cinema. I didn't even look round to see if anyone was watching. It just wasn't an issue. Holding his hand as we walked down the street was amazing too. It's something so simple, but it was SO worth it just to see the smile beaming from Anthony's face. It was incredible to see how this one simple act made him so happy. I should have done it a long time ago!

 

We went to see 'Spider man 3'. I'm not really a fan of those movies, but I enjoyed this one. The huge helpings of candy and Popcorn helped a lot too. £3.10 for a small bag of popcorn! If I'd seen the price before I picked em up, I wouldn't have bothered, but I only found out how much it was at the till, and I felt stupid changing my mind..lol! Extortionate I tells ya!!

 

We went for food afterwards. It wasn't anything fancy, just a burger and chips, but I was hungry enough to eat anything..lol! I wont tell you how the night ended. That's a secret...;-)

 

All in all, it was a GREAT day, and hopefully a glimpse of how me and Ant are going to be from now on, especially with both of us working (fingers crossed that I get a job). Splitting up made me realise how much I truly love him, and I intend to let him see that.

 

Hope you're all ok today, and thanks for the comments. I got so many links to get through..lol!

 

Lv Ste

x

7th May, 2007

 

Entry 2

 

 

Wow, 27 comments already?! Thanks so much all of you, and thanks Donna for letting people know that I'd got a new journal. You're a star!

 

I'll start adding journals to alerts again.

 

Just got back from my friend's house. She's been like a rock to me over the last couple of weeks. We had chicken wraps. I now LOVE those things. I just throw bits of everything on, roll 'em up and enjoy..lol! I might have to cut down on the mayo though..:-)

 

I watched an interesting programme tonight about identical twins. It focused on a pair of French female twins, both in their 30's I think. It told how dependant they've become on each other. Both have had eating disorders, but one was extremely anorexic. Somewhere along the way, they've become so obsessed by routine and eating habits that they have to split EVERY crisp (potato chip) in half and have an equal amount of everything!! It showed us a huge argument between the two because one twin didn't want as much to drink as the other twin. We're talking like, a tiny bit of water or something. It was quite sad to watch.

Also, toward the end, one twin wanted the other to eat herself fat so that she could feel more beautiful in herself. It's awful. I think it's all about mind programming and breaking routines. That's what they need, but I guess it's easier said than done.

 

Tomorrow's the big day. Mine and Ant's big 'First date'. Not sure whether to go for a meal first, then cinema, or vice versa. Which do you think? lol! It also feels a bit strange 'cos I know that this is our first time out together since we split up, but because we've had 5 years together, I'm not sure how to act. He knows me so well. Do I act as I always did, or should I try and make things new and different?

 

Also, should I be the dominant one in the date, like pull out the chair, hold open the door...etc, or is that weird?! I mean, I sometimes forget that me and Anthony are a 'gay couple'!! To me, we're just me and Anthony, you know what I mean? lol! It's not like we obsess about being gay. We don't do gay clubs, we don't focus on gay issues in particular. It's just like Ant's my girlfriend.....I couldn't explain all of this properly if I tried..lol! I don't know. Since we first met, I immediately felt like the protector of us two. Like, if anyone started a fight with us, I'd step in front of Ant and sort it out without him getting involved. That's just the way it's always felt, and now I'm all confused. Why did I assume this role, why does there have to be a dominant one in the relationship, why do I forget that we're a gay couple, and should I make it more of an issue?!

 

I have no idea.....I'm probably over analysing things again, as always..lol!

 

 

                        

 

 

 

Hope you're all well out there,

 

Lv Ste

xx

'New Beginnings'

Entry 1

 

 

I HAVE RETURNED!!!! lol!

          

 

Incase you have no idea who I am and have just discovered me, then this is me shamelessly posing for the first entry of my new journal.^ I wanted an artsy look....Hmmm, dunno if it worked..LOL!

 

Now, if you DO know me already, then..........

 

 

HELLO!!

 

If you're reading this, I'm glad 'cos that means I managed to let you all know that I've changed aol screen names. Well infact, I totally changed accounts! I am no longer an aol customer. I'm logged on here as a guest using my Stepdad's wireless networking thingy.

Basically, it just means that I no longer have the AOL bills anymore, but I can still write my journal.

 

I've recently moved back into my Mum's place until I get back on my feet, and I thought I'd be able to use the internet on my PC without problem, but for some reason, as my brother's in my old house now, everytime he went online, it would boot me off aol completely, even though he doesn't even use aol!

 

I then found out that he was booting me off INTENTIONALLY to prove a point. Like, 'If I want to go online, you have to stay off until I'm finished' kinda thing. That kinda REALLY pissed me off. Not only did he want and take my house, he takes my internet too? No bloody way, so as the internet connection in my old house was mine and I was still paying for it, I cancelled it today, no questions asked. Problem solved....for me anyways. My somewhat devious brother has some sorting out to do. My heart bleeds.

 

Anyways, I'm waiting to hear back from a place that I handed an application form into the other day. It's only a supermarket thing called 'Tesco's', but it's a job and it's always easier to find work while you're already in a job, so that's my plan. I'm sending for my provisional license next week hopefully, so soon after that, I'm starting my driving lessons. I'm confident. I know I can do it if I can just keep a cool head about things.

 

Remember 'Ross' from 'Madison 5'? Well he's coming here tomorrow for a singing session. Apparently, 'Madison 5' is dying of death as another member left, so he's unhappy and wants to team up with me. Funny how things turn out right? lol!

 

I'm so excited about life lately. As I mentioned before, me and Anthony are starting again with our relationship. We're going out on our 'First Date' next week. I'm taking him to the cinema and we're going for a meal. When we split up, I realised everything that we never did. You know, we never had ONE single date before we got together?! We met, got together the day after, and then slept at each other's houses every night for 5 years! That was it. No romance, no walking to the door and waiting for a kiss goodnight, no buying of the odd red rose after a date, just.... nothing, so this time, I'm gonna do it right, and I can't wait!

 

Losing the house and splitting with Anthony has given me a whole new lease of life and I can't control myself. I'm gonna join the gym soon (or just go regularly) and also learn how to swim at our local baths. That's one thing that's always subtley bothered me in the back of my head, so I'm gonna bite the bullet and dive in head first (pardon the pun).lol!

 

Also, I have a bloody eye infection this week. It's driving me mental, all swollen and red and stuff...grrrr!!

 

Here's an old favourite of mine that I recently re-discovered. These are the opening titles...Brilliant show!

 

I LURRRRVE this song!

 

 

            

 

 

 

 

Anyways, I'm really rambling here, so I'll be off until next time, but thanks for reading and I hope you're all well,

 

Ste

x