Friday, 28 September 2007


Euggh...what a fortnight it's been. 
Yes, I'm about to complain and whine like a big baby..........
I took on far too many shifts at work, making sure that I've been there everyday and well into the early hours of the morning. I was enjoying it at first, but I've become sick of the sights of Tesco. I covered soooo many shifts for so many people lately, I've lost count and then I agreed to do someone 4pm - 1am shift for two days, but ended up doing it 3 in a row 'cos one girl decided NOT to come in. This wouldn't have been so bad if I was doing a job that I could do with confidence but instead, they threw me onto the 'Self service' tills, which I have no idea how to run. When I found out that I'd have to run the self service section on my own, I asked for them to train me up beforehand. I was already on my regular shift and had 5 hours to go before I was due to go on to self service, so they assured me that they'd get me off of my till and train me up with plenty of time to spare. An HOUR before I was due on, they STILL hadn't got me off of my till to train me, so I went on a one man strike and closed down my till. Long story short, I won and they trained but, but only for 20 minutes so nothing sunk in properly..grrr!  Basically, I'm the only member of staff at the front of a huge store at that time of night (except for a scarily CRAZY security guard) and I'm responsible to help all customers use the self service tills which do nothing but break down.
Queue's of people, all complaining that there machine isn't working, not giving correct change, double scanning, breaking down, all at the same time. While I helped one, 3 other groups of customers were complaining, not to mention the other people in the really long queues. They're all staring and yelling at me, wondering why I'm not working faster,but little did they know that I had no idea what I was actually doing. You'd think that a big company like where I work would assign a fully trained up member of staff to run the part night shift, but oh no! As long as the shift's covered on paper, they don't care. Yes, I volunteered to cover the shift, thinking that I'd just be doing my regular cashier job like I always do when I'm covering shifts, but oh no! Instead, they threw me into the deep end. Anyways, I got through it somehow and am glad about it, 'cos I SHOULD have a good wage this month! On my last day of shift covering, I started to feel a bit congested in my head which I just assumed was 'cos I was tired or something, so I went to bed to sleep it off. When I woke the next morning to get ready for work, I sat up out of bed just to go really dizzy and fall back down again. I literally had to CALL my Mum on the phone to come in from the other room to help me. I was red hot, had the worst headache, ear ache, sore throat, dizziness and a stiff neck. I was in such a state and had to call in work for yesterday and today which ruined my record number of days that I'd been covering for two weeks, which I'm really hacked off about 'cos I was doing so well. I woke up today feeling much better. I even went into town to get some toiletries but it wasn't long before the symptoms returned, but this time it brought a dodgy stomach with it as well! So I'm sat here now feeling like poo, but hoping I feel better tomorrow night for a night out with friends. If I don't, I can't go....especially with a dicky stomach..:-(
Anyways, nuff bout my diseases, how's everyone doin?

Friday, 21 September 2007

'Unbreakable Heart'

Hi folks....
Excuse me for a moment!!!!!
I just wrote a really long entry over the past 2 hours, and I went to save it in my emails to post in here, but got BOOTED off aol! All of that writing and explaining about recent events..Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
Ok, in a nut shell, I made new friends, had to say goodbye to two as they've gone to university (sob sob..I love them!), there's been trouble, blood and police in the family, I'm startin work in the studio over the next week or so, and I've recorded a new song but I'm not too keen on it as I think I need to sing it in a higher key and lose some of the echo, PLUS I am aware of the difficult higher note toward the!  Phew.....*takes a breath*
I'll try and update when I get another two hours spare...:-(
The Motley Crew (some people are missing..:-()
Hope you're all well!


Please click here to download the song.

(You may have to right click the link and 'Save target as' if it doesn't download automatically)





Ainsley gave birth to a son, Blair Andrew on August 27th! I'm so thrilled for her! She's got the internet again now, so we might start seeing her again soon.




Song of the day


Who remembers this one?? ;-) I was brought up with this song so I think I like it more than most..hehe!




Tuesday, 11 September 2007







Friday, 7 September 2007


Hello all...How ya doin?
I'm here for a very important but not secret mission...hehe!
Ok, I have a very good friend called Sue who's in need of some help.
Sue is disabled as she has hardly any use of her legs. She can stand and move around, but she can't walk anywhere, which makes this very hard for her to get out. She has to depend on others just to go to the shops, but they're not always around and now she feels that she's becoming a pest. All she needs is a car to be able to do it for herself. Her old car has been recently scrapped due to faults so she's found herself in deep water now. She found a car for £200 but had no money, so a supposedly 'Good friend' OFFERED to give the money to her. Shocked by the offer, she accepted on the terms that she was going to pay it back to him in installments. Everything was going great until the day came to actually picking up the car. This 'good friend' let her down and basically said that he wont be gving her the money. I mean, WHY offer in the first place if you know you can't do it?! She didn't ask for it either, so I don't understand. She's become very low and depressed because of this, which isn't her usual character. She's one of the most bubbly people I know usually. So now I'm on a mission. I'm going to raise money for her to get this car, but I need help and ideas.
Whenever I need help, this is the place I think of first. You guys rock, so does anyone have any ideas? I'm thinking sponsored run, sponsored head shave...sponsored anything really, and if I can do this, I'll post pictures of me going through these things and also Sue and her car afterwards. This means so much to me at the moment. I have a chance to really help here and I can't miss it.
I'm naming this the....
Help Sue Become Independent Again campaign and by god, I'm gonna do it. So please, any ideas? Thanks a lot!
Thanks for reading.

Song of the day.....

removed video

Thursday, 6 September 2007

Grandad and 'those words'.......

Hey guys, How's it goin today?
Pavarotti died? Noooooooooooo! What a voice that man had!
I just wanna start by saying thanks to Bill for his apology comment in my last entry. Seems I misunderstood the comment, so I'm also very sorry. I think, as I said in my last entry, that it came at the wrong time. Kinda like the tip of the iceberg after a few incidents with some other people, so Bill, let's just forget it, huh? *Shakes hand*..hehe! Thanks so much for explaining, and yeah, I'm up for that drink whenever it's convenient....;-)
I've just woke up here kinda early considering I only had five or so hours sleep. Had a weird dream about Captain Kirk beating some bad guy up with a stick...LOL!
I'm taking myself to town tomorrow to buy a new top and jeans and stuff. I'm finally delevoping an interest in fashion lately. I'm not bothered about wearing name brands or whatever's currently popular. If I like it, I like it, end of, but so many of my friends will only wear 'Henley's' or 'G-Star' or something. Drives me crazy. They could save a fortune if they just bought something without a brand name plastered on there! 
It's a weird time right now. A very old family problem has raised it's ugly head again, and all because Grandad made one stupid comment. Ya see, me, grandma and grandad were never close when I was a kid, despite me and my brother living just a door away. It always just seemed to be all about the other grand kids (a specific set too. Many other grand kids were 'shunned' too). We grew up believing that they had something against us, but they said that it wasn't true. As I've gotten older, I decided to forget all of that mess and just enjoy them while they're still around, but my brother will never be close to them. Now the other day, after reading my poem, Grandad said something very sweet, but also quite.....what's the word....Upsetting maybe? He said, 'To think of what me and him were like when he was a kid. I judged that lad wrong'. The actual comment is very nice, but it leaves the question, judged me for what?! What reason can he possibly give to judge a child?! It's just kinda confirmed that yes, he did have a problem with us as kids. I just can't figure out why though. We were kids. We weren't rude, we didn't cause trouble, infact we hardly even saw them! Nothing's been said about it, and I don't even wanna discuss it, especially after his ill health lately. It's not worth the arguing or anything. Besides, I don't think we'd get any answers anyway. It'd just get covered up like so many other things do in this family.
I'm not angry, just upset and very confused about the whole thing. Just when you think things from the past have been and gone, they always manage to come and bite ya in the ass don't they? hehe!
Anyways, hope you have a great day all (even if you read this a week!)

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Taking the long way.......


(This box is just a song..not a video)

Can someone do me a favor and kick me up my ass please?! I really need it!
I dunno what's going on with me lately, but I just can't get motivated. I'm starting my own studio CD in a few weeks and you'd think I'd be shouting from the roof tops, which I have been, but it kinda feels forced. Don't get me wrong, this is all I've ever wanted to do, plus they're using my own songs too, but I dunno......maybe past experience has made me wary? It's just a shame that caution can sometimes overlook the fun in things.
I've been writing new songs all the time, but none sound right to me. The tunes are fine (which I have in my head), but I'm having trouble with the actual lyrics. I used to be able to sit down and write a song, depending what mood I was in, but it's a whole other story now, so rather than force the subject, I'm gonna leave it for a while and see what I come up with without pressuring myself.
They all seem to be along the same theme, and with recent events, a lot of the songs depict anger, which is not what I'm about. Obviously, like all of us, it's there, but there's no need for me to keep going back to the same well. I'm sure I can break out of this and move on soon enough..........
My eye's fine now. In fact, there was hardly any swelling at all the day after, witch I really expected! It wasn't even 'Gungie'! The lump's still there kinda, but it's getting smaller and smaller. I guess it's like a lady's bump when she has a baby. It fades over time?
There's actually something I'd like to say here in regards to a comment left for me in my last entry and I apologise right now, but I have to say it.
I didn't appreciate someone's 'Grow up' comment at all. I thought it was inconsiderate, badly timed and definitely not called for in any way. I understood what this person was TRYING to say, and they even ended the comment on a light note, but I still don't understand the 'Grow up' remark. You have no REAL idea about who I am at all, and I think I've grown up quicker than most, so please don't judge before you know anything. I don't think I said anything childish at all. The nurse held my hand herself. I didn't ask for it, but even if I had, I'd be proud to let you know that too. 
...'if they told you eye operations don't hurt they were correct. You should have asked them about operations on the eye lids. That is bound to hurt some'
Do you think I'm a moron? I was having an eye lid procedure so the doctors had ONLY told me about THAT actual procedure. Why would I ask them to tell me about eye procedures when I was having an eye LID procedure?! I asked about what I was having done specifically, and YES, they did tell me that my procedure wouldn't hurt, but let's face it, it's BOUND to hurt and I knew that before I went in. I AM NOT a childish idiot as some people like to make out. It's like someone going in for a knee op but asking them about an operation on their hips. WHO WOULD DO THAT?! That's what you implied and it pissed me off. 
'Grow up, we all have to suffer pain some times in our life. It helps us regale in the days when we are painfree.'
Yes, I complained and commented about the pain, but Iwasn't over reacting, it DID hurt so why should I lie and say that it was all ok?! I knew that pain would be an obvious part of the procedure and I knew it was necessary, so please don't treat me like an idiot. I'm 23, not 13. I felt that I had a right to come into my OWN journal and complain about it. After all, it IS my journal and that's why we write these things, and I'm not going to change the way I write for anybody!
Maybe I'm over reacting, but I'm so sick of people's judgements and comments toward me lately, in real life, and online. Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often in here to me, but I've seen MANY examples of it in others. I mean, if you don't like the journal or the person writing it, there's a big red cross at the top right hand side of the page that will sort your problems out for you. Try using it!
Anyways, I'm back to work tomorrow as I had Tuesday off for my eye (as instructed before anyone calls me childish), and I'm actually looking forward to seeing everyone.....and yes, I can! I've got a good group of friends there now. None of them read this but I just wanna say 'HEY GUYS!'!
Hope you're all doing well! Catch ya later

Monday, 3 September 2007

Eye operation

Hello J-landians!
T'has been a traumatic day for! I'm laughing but I really don't feel like it. I had an operation on my eye this morning, and I'm telling ya, all those who said 'Oh it wont hurt' can kiss my ass, 'cos I've never felt pain like it in my life! The op was to remove two lumps from my right eye. One on my upper lid, and the bigger one on the bottom. I was quite shocked about the pain of the first needles. One for top and bottom. I just about crushed the hand of the nurse who said I could hold!
Some of you may have had one of these ops, as did my cousin, but she told me it didn't hurt, but oh my god...I almost cried. I'm not really THAT squeamish, but I declare right now, if I ever get another eye lump, I'll live with it, 'cos I'm never having that done again! I'm all patched up now, lookin like a pirate, but I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end. I'm sooo glad that the lump's gone now. I just wish I could feel where the lump used to be, but I can't touch. Plus I wont be able to feel it until the swelling's gone down. Grrr!
Here's a pic of what it was like....
                                's gone now..(hopefully)!!
I went out on Saturday night with some friends from work. They always ask me but I always decline for some reason, but I'm so glad I went this time 'cos it was a fantastic night. I ended up elbowing a BIG rasta'farian in the face when I was playing pool. I apologised, and I was waiting for the thump, but he just burst out laughing. We all got chatting and I ended up telling my life story to him and his wife.........well they asked!!
Anyways, I hope you're all well..miss you guys!