Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Taking the long way.......


(This box is just a song..not a video)

Can someone do me a favor and kick me up my ass please?! I really need it!
I dunno what's going on with me lately, but I just can't get motivated. I'm starting my own studio CD in a few weeks and you'd think I'd be shouting from the roof tops, which I have been, but it kinda feels forced. Don't get me wrong, this is all I've ever wanted to do, plus they're using my own songs too, but I dunno......maybe past experience has made me wary? It's just a shame that caution can sometimes overlook the fun in things.
I've been writing new songs all the time, but none sound right to me. The tunes are fine (which I have in my head), but I'm having trouble with the actual lyrics. I used to be able to sit down and write a song, depending what mood I was in, but it's a whole other story now, so rather than force the subject, I'm gonna leave it for a while and see what I come up with without pressuring myself.
They all seem to be along the same theme, and with recent events, a lot of the songs depict anger, which is not what I'm about. Obviously, like all of us, it's there, but there's no need for me to keep going back to the same well. I'm sure I can break out of this and move on soon enough..........
My eye's fine now. In fact, there was hardly any swelling at all the day after, witch I really expected! It wasn't even 'Gungie'! The lump's still there kinda, but it's getting smaller and smaller. I guess it's like a lady's bump when she has a baby. It fades over time?
There's actually something I'd like to say here in regards to a comment left for me in my last entry and I apologise right now, but I have to say it.
I didn't appreciate someone's 'Grow up' comment at all. I thought it was inconsiderate, badly timed and definitely not called for in any way. I understood what this person was TRYING to say, and they even ended the comment on a light note, but I still don't understand the 'Grow up' remark. You have no REAL idea about who I am at all, and I think I've grown up quicker than most, so please don't judge before you know anything. I don't think I said anything childish at all. The nurse held my hand herself. I didn't ask for it, but even if I had, I'd be proud to let you know that too. 
...'if they told you eye operations don't hurt they were correct. You should have asked them about operations on the eye lids. That is bound to hurt some'
Do you think I'm a moron? I was having an eye lid procedure so the doctors had ONLY told me about THAT actual procedure. Why would I ask them to tell me about eye procedures when I was having an eye LID procedure?! I asked about what I was having done specifically, and YES, they did tell me that my procedure wouldn't hurt, but let's face it, it's BOUND to hurt and I knew that before I went in. I AM NOT a childish idiot as some people like to make out. It's like someone going in for a knee op but asking them about an operation on their hips. WHO WOULD DO THAT?! That's what you implied and it pissed me off. 
'Grow up, we all have to suffer pain some times in our life. It helps us regale in the days when we are painfree.'
Yes, I complained and commented about the pain, but Iwasn't over reacting, it DID hurt so why should I lie and say that it was all ok?! I knew that pain would be an obvious part of the procedure and I knew it was necessary, so please don't treat me like an idiot. I'm 23, not 13. I felt that I had a right to come into my OWN journal and complain about it. After all, it IS my journal and that's why we write these things, and I'm not going to change the way I write for anybody!
Maybe I'm over reacting, but I'm so sick of people's judgements and comments toward me lately, in real life, and online. Fortunately, it doesn't happen very often in here to me, but I've seen MANY examples of it in others. I mean, if you don't like the journal or the person writing it, there's a big red cross at the top right hand side of the page that will sort your problems out for you. Try using it!
Anyways, I'm back to work tomorrow as I had Tuesday off for my eye (as instructed before anyone calls me childish), and I'm actually looking forward to seeing everyone.....and yes, I can! I've got a good group of friends there now. None of them read this but I just wanna say 'HEY GUYS!'!
Hope you're all doing well! Catch ya later


dougsbabygirl31 said...

You are right this is where you can come and complain all you want, it is YOUR journal after all... We don't all have great days all the time. Some times you just have to blow off steam and vent and bitch and whine. But we all do it, if this person has never done it before in THEIR OWN journal, more power to them.... Seriously.  Yes we all have to deal with pain, but it helps to talk about it sometimes. Keep talking about it. Your songs will change when you get all of the anger out of your system. Keep writing. Tawnya

nightmaremom said...

'tis your journal babe... and we all need an outlet... do NOT ever change that.  
Glad to hear you're doing better and the eye is good...  but you're excited to go to work?  OMG!!!  I hate going!  oh wait... I only have a fake job maybe if it were real it would be fun.............. LMAO!!!!
Writing... sounds like you're forcing it babes...  take that break....   go to the park and clear your head maybe?  How 'bout a vacation to the states?  I know a place ya could stay :)~  Bring Ant along and lets PARTY!!!
love ya

amy122389 said...

My pregnancy bump was supposed to go away?  oops.  LOL  Maybe I should stop eating so much ice cream....

So glad you're feeling better.....and don't you worry about the negative comments... ;-P


justplainbill said...

OK Ste, please my apology for that post. Having had several major operations in recent years I know the felling of pain. The "grow  up" thing is just something I often say , especially to my grown children and others when I feel they are not really responding to situation or problem in a mature way.Yes it is your journal and I think you know I enjoy reading it. I would not in any way attempt to tell or even advise you about what you write. Please just mark it up as a remark made by an old man who, maybe wrongly thinks his comments, remarks and jokes are always appropriate.

"gonna leave it for a while and see what I come up with without pressuring myself"
That was going to my advice to you. As I was reading your post my thought was that perhaps you were putting too much pressure on yourself. See there I go again. I said just about the same thing to me son on Monday and he said "Thanks Dad, you are right lets go out to dinner and have a few drinks." We did.
Wish I could come over and take you to the Pub of your choice.
I would also be glad to give you the kick in the ass that you asked for.
Good luck with the CD. Bill

deshelestraci said...

I'm glad to see you got an apology.  Could be worse.  Could have been some stupid anonymous troll!  Right?!  Yeah, you are way off on that whole pregnancy bump thing!  LOL  Glad you are healing!

jeadie05 said...

So pleased you eye is healing well ,it must have been horrible Steve ,good luck with your CD Im sure the words and music will come together for you, so pleased you are enjoying your job Jan xx

ukgal36 said...

I thought Bill was a troll but I see he isn't it..he's just one of us who offended you and apologized...a troll would never apolgize..that's the problem with these journals a comment can either lift you up or piss you off and what is made by the offender in a moment of haste without another thought can leave the recipient reeling for days....
Cheer up my love...I've been in a funk myself lately but am finally feeling know you are adored ...we all love you babes...

zoepaul6968 said...

I just wanna say,bill,youve officially been moved up to the title of troll,grow up indeed,that looked awful and bloody painful before the operation,what a total w**ker !!! hugs zoe xx

luddie343 said...

I find that talent works on its own timetable, you seem to understand that.  BTW the more we reveal of ourselves, the more susceptible we become to unthinking judgment calls.  "Know thyself", that's all you need.  Doesnt matter if you've a thousand friends or two, you're the ONE that counts, hold fast to believing in yourself, I'd say.  I know it shouldn't make a difference, but the truth is, what people say can anger and frustrate, so I empathize.  Love you xoxo CATHY  

emabecmar said...

KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There did that work? LMAO Well you said to kick you in the butt. Have a great day. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Love ya,
Cindy xoxoxox

gazker said...

Without wishing to be rude......... Don't aska gay man to kick you up the arse. He won't kick ya ok? LOLOL OOps sorry Stevie.
Gaz ;-)