Monday, 7 May 2007

7th May, 2007

Entry 2
Wow, 27 comments already?! Thanks so much all of you, and thanks Donna for letting people know that I'd got a new journal. You're a star!
I'll start adding journals to alerts again.
Just got back from my friend's house. She's been like a rock to me over the last couple of weeks. We had chicken wraps. I now LOVE those things. I just throw bits of everything on, roll 'em up and! I might have to cut down on the mayo though..:-)
I watched an interesting programme tonight about identical twins. It focused on a pair of French female twins, both in their 30's I think. It told how dependant they've become on each other. Both have had eating disorders, but one was extremely anorexic. Somewhere along the way, they've become so obsessed by routine and eating habits that they have to split EVERY crisp (potato chip) in half and have an equal amount of everything!! It showed us a huge argument between the two because one twin didn't want as much to drink as the other twin. We're talking like, a tiny bit of water or something. It was quite sad to watch.
Also, toward the end, one twin wanted the other to eat herself fat so that she could feel more beautiful in herself. It's awful. I think it's all about mind programming and breaking routines. That's what they need, but I guess it's easier said than done.
Tomorrow's the big day. Mine and Ant's big 'First date'. Not sure whether to go for a meal first, then cinema, or vice versa. Which do you think? lol! It also feels a bit strange 'cos I know that this is our first time out together since we split up, but because we've had 5 years together, I'm not sure how to act. He knows me so well. Do I act as I always did, or should I try and make things new and different?
Also, should I be the dominant one in the date, like pull out the chair, hold open the door...etc, or is that weird?! I mean, I sometimes forget that me and Anthony are a 'gay couple'!! To me, we're just me and Anthony, you know what I mean? lol! It's not like we obsess about being gay. We don't do gay clubs, we don't focus on gay issues in particular. It's just like Ant's my girlfriend.....I couldn't explain all of this properly if I! I don't know. Since we first met, I immediately felt like the protector of us two. Like, if anyone started a fight with us, I'd step in front of Ant and sort it out without him getting involved. That's just the way it's always felt, and now I'm all confused. Why did I assume this role, why does there have to be a dominant one in the relationship, why do I forget that we're a gay couple, and should I make it more of an issue?!
I have no idea.....I'm probably over analysing things again, as!
Hope you're all well out there,
Lv Ste


penniepooh said...

Got your new link from Donna`s journal. :)


gaboatman said...

Don't over analyze!  Go, enjoy!  As for the movie first, or the meal?  Hmmm... a meal first will make you drowsy during the movie, so go see the movie first and you will have a topic of conversation to make the meal afterwards more comfortable and natural.  Have fun!

stetsonsfyre said...

Hey Honey :) BELIEVE me I understand what you mean about the dominant one in the relationship LOL... Cindy is <wg> tho sometimes I have to pick my "femme" self up and step in with her LOL... I'm glad that Donna let us know about the new journal because I haven't been getting your alerts at all :(  that sucks... I'm sorry about you and Ant breaking up in the first will be ok Honey, I love my dates with Cindy. ((((huggin' you up)))) Teresa

nightmaremom said...

Now I'm thinkin too much.  Thanks a lot!!  LOL

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and I adore the picture of you Ant... give him a hug for me.. then tell 'em what I always say........ lucky....   oh wait... maybe not this date wait 'til date 2.  LOL

love ya

dougsbabygirl31 said...

Just do what feels natural for you. Overthinking will make you feel weird then you will act weird. Be yourself. He loves you that way. Love the pic!! Tawnya

jeadie05 said...

Dont plan too much out ,let it flow naturally just be you ..thats mt advice Steve ,oh and have fun Jan xx

lanurseprn said...

Just be yourself and let it flow.  You'll be ok. And don't forget to have a lot of FUN!

seraphoflove9001 said...

Stevie....Firstly...I love the picture of you two!!! :o)'s what I think...Movie first, then a meal! :o) And also, just be yourself! :o) Anthony loves YOU for who YOU are! Right? :o) And thats what matters! :o) I hope everything goes great! :o)
Hugs! xxx

edwardssoapy said...

Hey Stevie.

Good luck with the 'first date' with Anthony. Here's my advice, do what you feel is right. Anthony loves you for who you are. Remember, just be yourself! Don't change yourself for any man. Love the photo of you two :o)

Hope you're well.
Leigh :o)"

millieukgirl said...

Just be yourself! Have fun, see the movie first then go enjoy something to eat.  You'll have a fantastic time i'm sure! :)

Lovely pic of you both!

Have fun!


ukgal36 said...

good morning hunny..i am home today and playing catch up... just go with what feels right will have a great time.. i am excited for you and wish you guys all the best on your "do over"...make sure you put me on your alerts now you hear??  ;-)  love ya babe..

rdautumnsage said...

I'm with everyone else. Just be yourself hon, remember that's who Ant fell in love with in the beginning. Sometimes everyone needs a time out to pay that little extra attention to the one they love. (Hugs) Indigo

emabecmar said...

Having a gay brother and very proud of him I may add, all I can say is just be yourself. If something is meant to happen, then so it shall. I love the pic of you and Ant. You both look so happy. I always tell my brother. Be proud of who you are, not of what other people expect you to be, just be you. ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Love ya,
Cindy xoxoxo