Friday, 18 May 2007

I'll be ok!

What a week it's been here, full of arguments, tantrums, big decisions and full blown annoyingness!
I'm not gonna go into detail, but it's been like world war 3 here and I'm not sure where I live anymore. I seem to be living out of bags, and have been for ages now. Me and Anthony are still doing well and planning on moving into a flat asap, but until then, I'm kinda drifting from place to place. Mum hasn't kicked me out or anything AND I STRESS THAT, but for reasons I wont discuss, I'm finding it very difficult to stay here. Things are just up in the air right now. I miss Mum, I miss my cat, and I miss my freedom. Okay, I do have freedom, but it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes. I'm at Mum's now and probably for the next couple of days, but after that, who knows?!
I know I've said this before, but I find it hard talking about this stuff, but that's what's happening in my life right now, and that's what I have to write about.
Besides all of this, I'm looking VERY forward to next Friday as I have an appointment with my support worker to help me back into work. He's amazed that after 2 years, I've approached him for help to get me back to work. Usually, they were chasing me to give me! As I WANT to start back at work and end the money that I get from the government, I get a lump sum of money to help me, plus £40 a week on top of my wages, and maybe even working tax credit. It's all looking bright! I don't care what job I do at the moment either, so it's all good. Aside from this, I've been looking into voluntary work lately, and this job is REALLY nagging at me.
'Appropriate adults support young people and vulnerable adults detained in police custody. Full accredited training given and out of pocket expenses re-imbursed.'
Obviously, I wont get paid for that, but it's niggling away at me and I'm not sure why. I'd LOVE a job like that though. I may not seem the type, but I love a challenge! hehe! I'll letcha know how it goes.
What's with all the changes to journals lately too? This all looks very strange and!
I have to go through all the comments and links to add them to my sidebar section, and I also have to get everyone back on alerts 'cos I'm missing you all..hehe! Obviously, my time online isn't as much as it used to be, but I'm seeing that as maybe a good thing. I do miss singing a lot though. Maybe I'll get back to that sometime.
Until then, PLEASE watch this video and listen to this song. It's SO GOOD for cheering you up on a bad day. I first heard it this morning, and it seemed to be singing about my life as it is at the moment. I'm! (Also, as a point of interest, this band (Mcfly) have contacted me via youtube in the past and they like my videos. AWESOME! hehe!)

When everything is going wrong
And things are just a little strange
Its been so long now you’ve forgotten how to smile
And overhead the skies are clear but it still seems to rain on you
And your only friends all have better things to do

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok

When things are only getting worse
And you need someone to take the blame
When your lover's gone there’s no one to share the pain
You’re sleeping with the tv on and you’re lying in an empty bed
All the alcohol in the world would never help me through it again

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Just try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
Oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok

You’re not alone
[You’re not alone]
You’re not alone
[You’re not alone]
You’re not alone

Just tell yourself I’ll, I'll be ok
Oh just tell yourself, I’ll, I'll be ok
Won’t you tell yourself, I’ll be ok

When you’re down and lost
And you need a helping hand
When you’re down and lost along the way
Try a little harder
Try your best to make it through the day
And oh just tell yourself
I’ll, I'll be ok
I’ll, I'll be ok
I’ll, I'll be ok

Hope you're all well, and hopefully catch ya allsoon!
Lv Ste


jeadie05 said...

You sound so full of woe ,not your usual bubbly self ,I hope things get sorted soon Jan xx

lanurseprn said...

I hope your living situation gets sorted out soon. And good luck with the job hunt! I'm glad you are back with Anthony and it's going well.  He'll be a big support now.

jmoqueen said...

Sorry to hear things aren't great with your living situation :(  I hope you and Anthony find a flat soon xx  Good luck with the job thingy.  How cool that Mcfly have contacted you through youtube :-)


nightmaremom said...

sending my love babes... I will come back and check out video... right now not in the mood... sorry... but you know I loves ya

rdautumnsage said...

Ouch on the living situation, been there, and know it's definitely not easy. Wishing you luck on the job prospect. Too cool that you and Anthony are looking for a flat together. Of Course I couldn't hear McFly, but the funny thing was I watched it anyway and then when I scrolled down I found the lyrics, (Super Hugs) How sweet is that! Made my day that you did that and I was able to enjoy it. By the way the lead singer is cute as all get out! When You get a chance looking forward to hearing from you!!! (Hugs) Indigo

seraphoflove9001 said...

I'm sending you some good vibes sweetie...good luck on the  job!

emabecmar said...

((((((((((stevie))))))))))) I hope things get better for you. Wishing you all the best luck in getting a great job you can be happy at. I'm glad you and Ant are doing well. Loved the video, what a great song.
Love ya my friend,
Cindy xoxoxo

heavenlybama said...

I hope things get better for ya Ste.  Things haven't been peachy here either lately.  Enjoyed the vid.  I needed to hear that.

gaboatman said...

I hope you get settled into a place you feel comfortable living soon.  Good luck working with the job counselor.  It will be interesting to hear what kind of position you eventually land.  Hey, That video of McFly was great!  Thanks for sharing that one with us.  These guys are good!

ukgal36 said...

hi babe..I sure wish there wasn't an ocean between us because I would offer you a place to stay and clear your head and get your thoughts and life together..I know this is not easy on all of you.. I am always here if you wanna chat okay??
big love

luddie343 said...

Hey I've been away from the machine for awhile, too, and I'm not happy with the changes, not at all.  But that's how it always happens: when something works just fine AOL can't leave it alone they have to fool around in the works.  I hear those towers are going down soon, so sorry to hear, Ste.  And I miss your singing, too, enjoyed the vid.  Reading that want-d I thought, this is perfect for Ste - it really suits your ability to put people at ease, and that's not just  jazzy wording, I think anyone who attracts almost 100 people to read about him as you've done has a great gift relating to folks, especially the vulnerable and lost.  Keep us posted, friend.  And remember there *are* jobs like that which pay a proper wage.  Luv you, CATHY

millieukgirl said...

I hope all works out well for you - you deserve it!

Good luck for Friday!

Millie :)

zoepaul6968 said...

dont worry hun,life is tough and it only goes to show you can cope with it all,be strong Im here if you want to talk anytime hun anytime. zoe xx

stetsonsfyre said...

btdt (been there done that) so I somewhat understand Stevie ~ life can be freaking hard at times.  These "life lessons" or whatever they are can majorly suck, but I think you are up to it :)  Thank you for sharing the words of that song as I can't get You Tube to function till Cindy and I get back up on DSL.  It's says a lot doesn't it?  The Bard's of old would have liked it also.
Hugz, Teresa

penniepooh said...

good luck with finding a job!


siennastarr said...

Hmmmph!  Ready to be nagged at Mr Ste??  Donna just sent me the link to this journal, as I had NO clue that you had started a new one.  I kept checking back at your other one, and I do believe that I left a comment telling you I missed you, and hoped you were doing well.  All this time you were here, making entries, and didn't even bother to give me your new link!  :*(    I feel so unloved...

Okay.. end of nagathon! hee   I am so glad that you are doing well, and that NOW I do have the link to your new journal (well.. new to ME anyway).  I'm going to catch up now with what's going on in your life!

Hugs and love