Sunday, 12 October 2008

Catch up...........

Hey bloggers!!

Ya know what, I'm actually liking this place. In my opinion, there seems a lot more to do than we could on aol journals. I LOVE that it auto saves drafts while you're typing. The times I'd sat on aol for hours typing something, just to have some thing go ape shit on me and delete my whole entry..grr! I'm sure we've all been there!

I'm kinda glad aol's had this nervous!
Anyways, just thought I'd write a little update on my life, which strangely enough, I never seem to do in a blog that's supposed to be about my life.

Well, I now realise that I'm 25. It really wasn't that big of a deal to me at first. 25 isn't old.....not to me anyways. It wasn't until a young guy said to me the other day............

'You look great for your age'.........Sorry but................WTF does that mean?!


I'm like 4 years older than this douche and he's already got me in the old biddies home!! I tells ya, I'm not a violent person, but I could easily have been at that!

On to other stuff, and I apologise but this is heavy.

I returned to work on Friday after a 2 week leave of absence. Dunno what happened but a LOT of stuff seemed to heap on top of me really quickly over the last few months that lead to me getting ill from being run down. I wouldn't say depressed but I was crying a lot It was very strange actually, 'cos I'd been keeping on top of things for the past year or so.

I guess it started with the break up of my relationship, which was my choice but still affected me harder than I thought. After all, 7 years is a long time.

Then this happened..........

This incident happened right here where I am. A house party got out of control and resulted in a teenager being beaten and stabbed to death, over something so meaningless as an X box game. This happened during our half term break, so none of us (Youth workers) knew which youths were involved with it, but we knew we'd know them because we work with every young person in the area. That wait was AWFUL!

As it turns out, I didn't personally know the youth that was murdered, and I'll admit to taking a tiny bit of comfort from that, but shockingly, I knew one of the youths that had killed him. I've worked very closely with him for a year now.

For some reason, when the other workers found out, they somehow concluded that the best course of action was to not inform me that this particular youth was involved and let me find out for myself from other young people in the youth club, which REALLY pissed me off.

In my opinion, I should've had some warning of what to expect. As youth workers, we should all have the same basic knowledge of events concerning youths in our club and the surrounding areas. Otherwise, how can we be there for them adequately and do our jobs?

Instead, I was left to find out while I was actually surrounded by the young people at work, who were all very upset, angry, confused and shocked. It was obvious that I was shocked as they spoke about it, and I feel that I let them down because I didn't have the info beforehand.

Does that make sense? I should've been able to offer them support when they clearly needed it, but my own feelings got in the way because it was such a shock. The young lad involved is someone who I've always got along with. He's asked me for advice on things countless times, and we used to just chat about relative issues. Out of everyone, he would've been the last person I'd suspect of murdering someone. He's now been sentenced to jail. WHAT AN IDIOT!!

What makes me more angry is, to stab someone, it happens in a flash. I'm not excusing it at all, but one moment of blind rage, and it's done. But to BEAT someone while they're already down with a knife wound - you have to think about that act. You KNOW what you're doing, yet you carry on. He was one of many that helped beat him and no matter how hard I try, I cannot figure out what the hell this 'Lovely young lad' was thinking!

One person is dead, yet many have thrown their lives away, all over a damn X box game!

I'm gonna stop there because I'll just be shoving opinions down people's throats, and I don't want to do that. It's just been nice to vent, even though I swore not to write about this in here. Mind you, everything is public now and I haven't mentioned names apart from Dale, which everyone knows anyways.

I just wanna offer my condolences to Dale Robertson and all those affected. Such a waste.God speed fella. xxx

Well, I hope you're all doin well. I'm gonna get to going round everyone's journals more regularly, so see ya soon.

Catch up again soon!


It's Just Me ~ Katie! said...

This is something that touches my heart deeply, because it is happening right here under my nose. I want so much to be able to reach out to our youth here - but with such sadness, I truely with all my heart and knowledge..Do Not have a clue where to begin. Maybe through "Stevies Diner" or a link of such knowledge, you could bring the light and a clue to those interested. Me being one of the Firsts. Your a Gem and a Gift. Thank you for not only being YOU, but also for sharing your reads. Your a Keeper!
Take care with hopes your Monday and the week ahead is one to remember!

Tawnya said...

Wow!!! I am so sorry to hear about this. I understand where you are coming from though. When I worked at a grocery store this guy that I worked closely with for over a year killed some people at a restaraunt with the help of a friend of his. I was in total shock when I found out because he was a sweet guy. I agree, they should have warned you. That was not cool!!!

D said...

that is truly sad babe... and I agree with you you should have been told ahead of time to get your feelings in check so you could deal with the kids that needed and count on you. Know I'm sending good thoughts to all the families.
love ya

LYN said...

hanging my head in shame because i missed your birthday!! quarter of a century!! Happy bday baby! better late than never...people always tell me i look good for my age...and i like it but then i am older than dirt.. ;-)
sorry about that a Mum of an 18 year old it's my biggest worry..
love ya baby...

Dannelle said...

This is almost to heavy to understand. As youth workers shouldn't they/you be banded together and "inform" one another of the haps? Shame on the rest for leaving you in such a predicament. My sympathies for the families, friends and you. Dannelle

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness... first of all, that's really messed up about the murder. And that you know the boy! That has to be such a surreal experience, to know him as one young man and see him act as another.

Also, I know you've been quiet lately but I didn't know you were going through a "depression" of sorts... you could've come talk to me, you know that.

Let me know if you need anything, okay? I love you.