Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Tornado warning (17/7/07)

Sheffield was put on tornado warning today (for real!), but little did I know that the tornado would be me. I'm not going into it all as people tend to judge when they don't know the whole story (which is very long and complicated) but I took my anger and temper out on a door and have almost broken my hand. My wrist feels like it's in pieces! Anthony had to drag me away from the scene, and if I'm honest, I'm glad he did, because I'm scared of what might've happened next. I went to work shortly after, only to be sent home after my duty manager saw my hand and realised the state I was in. I'm just at a total loss. Please, nobody tell me to take deep breaths and calm down because that's impossible. You don't know the situation, and I'm so fed up of people telling me to 'think of your mother'. Who the hell's thinking of me?! People are allowed to treat me however they like, yet I can't say anything incase it upsets my Mum. If everyone thought of my Mum as people tell me to, then I wouldn't have to argue in the first place. It's just like, Adam (my older brother) and Adrian can shit on me all they want, and I just have to stay quiet about it? Who tells them to think of my mother in all of this?! Even though I don't wanna be here, I'm no guest in this house. It's my home. I've been here for years, way longer than Adrian, and my brother's never lived here at all! Me and Mum have got through more than either of those could imagine. I've been here through thick and thin for years, then suddenly Adrian comes over and our past gets forgotten about! Also, Adam comes back with a chip on his shoulder after leaving us in a pile of shit for years, then everything's suddenly all about him! Who the hell do these people think they are? Adrian's in his 40's, my brother's 28, yet I'm the only one with the big enough balls to think of anyone else but myself in all of this, and I'm sick of it, so sick of it! Sorry for the rant, but it's gotta come out someplace, and my hand hasn't got the strength for another attack against a door! I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I had the money and the means, I'd be on the first plane out of here today and the only people that I'd miss would be my Mum and Anthony, not to mention the animals, but everyone else can rot in hell for all I care!
I thought big brothers' were supposed to look after their little brothers'? Isn't that what they do?! I have no brother anymore. My brother left for Nottingham one day years ago and came back as the selfish sod who stole my house from me and forced me to live in a house with a man that I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire!
Pardon my language, but it's gotta come out somewhere.
And what's worse, he knows all the trouble that this is causing but wont do ANYTHING to help! Oh, I could kill him!
This entry is for my own release so don't comment if you don't want to, and please, nobody tell me to think of my mother or to calm down. That's all I ask, but like I say, if nobody comments at all, I understand and it wont really make a difference anyway.


aniracj said...

Something had to give, Ste.....it's been brewing for a while so rant away my friend. Just get that hand looked at just in case!!! Take care my friend, and hopefully your outrage will have some sort of effect and be noticed as you wish it to be. I know for a fact that I could not live with either of my kids again, too much friction especially with other partners involved as well....hopefully your mum will see it for what it is and think a bit!

amy122389 said...

Maaaaannnnn, do I understand your frustration.  I really really do.  

I've broken a door before.  Kicked the fucker in.  ::shrug::  I was mad...

Nothin' really helps for now, but I'll send a hug just in case...

::hug hug hug::  (OK...that was a couple extras)


sneezy7125 said...

Well… I know you don’t care if people comment, and I’m not going to give you any “advice” because I don’t want you mad at me if I say something stupid…

Umm… just so you know that I care about you… and if you need somebody to take this out on, you know where to find me.


jeadie05 said...

Awww Steve,((((((((((((hugs)))))))))xxxxxxxlove Jan xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

dougsbabygirl31 said...

(((((Hugs)))))) to you. Tawnya

redpoppy007 said...

What a jerk he sounds like.  I would not put up with it either.
Stand up for yourself.

nightmaremom said...

Babes.......  I will go into more detail in mail... but I'm not afraid to comment...
and this what I have to say..
Think of you........ you and only you at this point.  You need your sanity and your health.  
love you!

lisa41076 said...

Awwwww Steve, rant all you want and stay safe hon, I care,  Hugs Lisa

ukgal36 said...

Here if you need ANYTHING
Lyn xxx

emabecmar said...

((((((((Stevie)))))))))) Love ya lots my friend.

Cindy xoxoxoxxoxo

gazker said...

I kicked in a door in sheer frustration with a bare foot. I now have a twitsted big right toe as I would'nt go the the A&E for two days.
First things first, you need to go to the A&E and get yourself checked out, secondly, you need to sort yourself out at work as you musn't put your job at risk as it's your only way out.
Can you sit and have a chat with b/f and REALY tell him how all this is affecting you, rather that bash a door. It's ceratianly less painfull?  ;-)

Stevie, I was one who said think of you Ma, I was one who said you were a guest in her house. I know that, but don't just dismiss it, its all part of a bigger picture.
You have my # if  ya need a chat ok?
Big hugs to you and Anth, I know we are all only cyber mates, but it don't stop us from thinkin about you ok?
We all love ya Ste and feel your frustrations at this time.
Gaz xxxx :-)

pharmolo said...

Well, we all sometimes act in deep anger, Stevie. If you know what drove you over the edge, I hope you're able to steer clear int he future. But, as you say, nobody knows what goes on behind closed ... erm windows.

deshelestraci said...

Sending you big hugs from a distance!  LOL don't want to get hurt!  We love you.  Hope you can get things sorted out without killing anyone!

seraphoflove9001 said...


ally123130585918 said...

Stevie Rant all you want ~ you know we are here for you ~ and it is you ~ you have to think about ~ just hope you will be OK ~ Ally x

heavenlybama said...

I'm playing catch up on journals here.  Rant when you need to Ste.  Many hugs to ya.