Sheffield was put on tornado warning today (for real!), but little did I know that the tornado would be me. I'm not going into it all as people tend to judge when they don't know the whole story (which is very long and complicated) but I took my anger and temper out on a door and have almost broken my hand. My wrist feels like it's in pieces! Anthony had to drag me away from the scene, and if I'm honest, I'm glad he did, because I'm scared of what might've happened next. I went to work shortly after, only to be sent home after my duty manager saw my hand and realised the state I was in. I'm just at a total loss. Please, nobody tell me to take deep breaths and calm down because that's impossible. You don't know the situation, and I'm so fed up of people telling me to 'think of your mother'. Who the hell's thinking of me?! People are allowed to treat me however they like, yet I can't say anything incase it upsets my Mum. If everyone thought of my Mum as people tell me to, then I wouldn't have to argue in the first place. It's just like, Adam (my older brother) and Adrian can shit on me all they want, and I just have to stay quiet about it? Who tells them to think of my mother in all of this?! Even though I don't wanna be here, I'm no guest in this house. It's my home. I've been here for years, way longer than Adrian, and my brother's never lived here at all! Me and Mum have got through more than either of those could imagine. I've been here through thick and thin for years, then suddenly Adrian comes over and our past gets forgotten about! Also, Adam comes back with a chip on his shoulder after leaving us in a pile of shit for years, then everything's suddenly all about him! Who the hell do these people think they are? Adrian's in his 40's, my brother's 28, yet I'm the only one with the big enough balls to think of anyone else but myself in all of this, and I'm sick of it, so sick of it! Sorry for the rant, but it's gotta come out someplace, and my hand hasn't got the strength for another attack against a door! I've said it before and I'll say it again, if I had the money and the means, I'd be on the first plane out of here today and the only people that I'd miss would be my Mum and Anthony, not to mention the animals, but everyone else can rot in hell for all I care!
I thought big brothers' were supposed to look after their little brothers'? Isn't that what they do?! I have no brother anymore. My brother left for Nottingham one day years ago and came back as the selfish sod who stole my house from me and forced me to live in a house with a man that I wouldn't piss on if he was on fire!
Pardon my language, but it's gotta come out somewhere.
And what's worse, he knows all the trouble that this is causing but wont do ANYTHING to help! Oh, I could kill him!
This entry is for my own release so don't comment if you don't want to, and please, nobody tell me to think of my mother or to calm down. That's all I ask, but like I say, if nobody comments at all, I understand and it wont really make a difference anyway.